


BEATEN DOWN PART 2

by Fairydust18



Category: Emmerdale, robron
Genre: Confusion, Domestic Violence, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Paranoia, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rape/Non-con Elements, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts, self blame
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-30
Updated: 2019-07-09
Packaged: 2019-08-11 00:29:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 37
Words: 26,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16465226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fairydust18/pseuds/Fairydust18
Summary: Aaron has been sectioned under the mental health act, now the hard work starts, but life isnt making it easy for Aaron, but he has Robert by his side.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Please note I've tried to be as accurate as possible with hospital procedures etc. Apologies if there are any. Also note.most.of this story is written from first hand experience , but as.ive said before, what works for one person may not work for another.

CHAPTER 1

Aaron was being transported to Hotten General, he knew he was being helped, but it didnt stop him being scared at what lied ahead for him.  
Aaron knew he had to talk about everything, Robert, Gordon, Alex and even Jackson.  
He wanted to get better, he just didnt like the fact he'd have to share his deepest, darkest secrets with another stranger.

As they waited, Robert never left Aarons side,.he wouldn't let him go, he had no idea how he was going to be able to leave Aaron when it was time.  
Aaron held on to Robert tight, he never wanted to let go, he didnt want Robert to leave, but he knew he'd have to, and he knew he would struggle without Robert. He knew he'd have to be brave, he just didnt feel brave.

"Robert, I can't do this without you cried Aaron, what do I do when your not there after a nightmare?"  
"Its going to be ok Aaron, your in the best place, they will help you" replied Robert  
"Their not you though Robert" replies Aaron  
" I know Aaron, I'll vist everyday, I promise" Robert replies softly.  
"Can you tell the rest of um, I cant do it" asks Aaron  
"Of course, I'll tell them later" replied Robert.  
"I dont want you to go Robert"  
" and I dont want to leave you Aaron"  
Robert and Aaron held on to one another, they knew time was up, and Robert would have to leave.

"Hello Aaron, my name is Dr Edwards, I'm going to be taking care of you, while you here with us"  
"Hi, this is Robert, my husband" replies Aaron  
"Hello Robert, nice to meet you"  
"Like wise" replies Robert.  
Robert knew he had to leave, he just didnt want to.

"Aaron, I have to go now, I'll be back tomorrow, I promise" says Robert  
"No! Please don't go Robert" Aaron cries  
" I'm sorry Aaron, I have to go now" replies Robert.  
" Please dont go" whispers Aaron.  
"I love you Aaron, I will be back tomorrow I promise, you can do this"  
" Robert, I lo.... lo.... love you" replied Aaron.  
" Aaron! You said it, I told you it would happen" cries Robert.  
"Promise you will come back tomorrow?"  
"I promise Aaron"  
As Robert left Aaron, he couldn't help but cry silently, tears ran down his cheeks, but he didnt care, because the man he loved more than anything in this world, his husband, his Aaron, just said I love you.

Aaron watched Robert leave, Aaron let the tears flow, he didnt care who saw, he knew the hard work was beginning and his first test would be tonight, Robeet wouldn't be there to comfort him and make him feel safe, he was scared and felt alone, he wished tomorrow would hurry up, he needed his husband.


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER 2

Robert got back to Emmerdale and went straight to the pub to speak with Chas  
As he entered the pub, he noticed Chas chatting with Cain, Robert thought it best to speak to them together.

"Chas, Cain, can I speak to you out back?, its important , its Aaron" Robert says sadly.

"Go through love" replies Chas  
Robert waits for Chas and Cain, not sure how to begin to tell them what has happened.  
"Ok love, whats happened?" Asks Chas  
" Is Aaron Ok?" Asks Cain  
"Ok, last night I came back from work, and I found Aaron sat in the shower, water running, no idea how long he'd been there, surrounded by bloody water, he'd hurt himself again, he said it was the only thing that stopped everything going on in his head, he said it works for a while, then its all back again, it didn't need the hospital this time. I cleaned him up, then we had a talk, hes been struggling, his nightmares have got worse, and now even when hes awake, he keeps seeing Alex. I took him to see Dr Willis, he thinks he knows whats wrong with Aaron, but it would mean going into hospital, Aaron got really upset and agitated so Dr Willis made the decision to have Aaron sectioned, hes concerned that Aaron is a danger to himself, especially after reading his notes regarding Aarons self harm. So I've just left my husband in a hospital room, hes scared and alone in Hotten General on their psych ward. I'm not allowed to be there aftwr visting hours, so I had to leave him, I didnt want to, but I had to, I'm sorry" cries Robert

"Aaron is on the psych ward?" Asks Chas  
"Yes Chas, Dr Willis thinks Aaron has PTSD, he did a test, and Aaron scored 30, which is high, Aaron got really upset when he found out I couldn't stay with him, I really dont know what hes going to do Chas, when he has nightmares I'm always there to help him, hold him and make him feel safe" replies Robert.  
" He's in the right place now" replies Cain.  
"Cain, can you tell the rest of the family, Aaron doesnt want anyone visting except me, Chas and you Cain" replies Robert.  
"Aaron wants me to vist?" Asks Cain  
"Yes Cain,.please say you will, Aaron is fragile and he wants his uncle to vist" replies Robert.  
"Of course I'll vist, just surprised thats all" replies Cain.  
"Robert, so you know how long Aarons going to be in there?" Asks Chas  
"He'll be in there for the full 28 day period, then Drs will decide the next step, I just want him home Chas, I cant help him if he had nightmares or a panic attack, I know they know what their doing, but its all new to Aaron, and I know how scared he gets with strangers" cries Robert.  
"We have to think positive Rob"replies Chas  
"I know, but they dont know Aaron like I do, just feel helpless" replies Robert.  
"Robert, you saved my son from that man, you've been by his side ever since, you love him and you take carw of him, you have done enough, we are going to get Aaron back" replies Chas

Cain informs the rest of the the Dingles about what has happened to Aaron.  
Everyone knew he was in a bad way, but never imagined it was this serious.

Robert was back at The Mill, he was getting a bag ready for Aaron, the first thing he put in was Aarons blanket, Robert thought it would give Aaron some kind of comfort, he put in photos of Chas, Liv and the rest of the Dingles, and a photo of himself and Aaron on their wedding day. He didnt know if he should, but he also included Aarons diary where would write down his thoughts and feelings. It was getting late, and Robert was beginning to worry, Aaron would be goung to bed soon, and he prayed Aaron would have a peaceful nights sleep.

Aaron was in his room, he didnt want to go to sleep, he didnt want to have a nightmare, he didnt have Robert to help him.  
He couldnt wait for the night to be over, he just wanted Robert.

Robert was lead in bed, unable to sleep, he couldn't settle without Aaron, he hoped Aaeon was sleeping soundly, he couldn't wait for the night to end.

Aaron was in bed, but not asleep, he waa curled up, with a blanket wrapped around him, it wasn't like home, Robert wasn't next to him and he didnt have his blanket that smelt of home and of Robert.  
Aaron was.going over the days events, he'd been asked so many questions, many of them personal, which he felt uncomfortable answering, but knew he had to, for the Drs tochelp him.  
Aaron was feeling emotional, he could hear the night staff doing their rounds, which meant they where checking all patients where safety in bed, it also meant the lights where going off.  
At home Aaron slept with a light on, but in here he didnt want them thinking he was weak for having to sleep with a light on.  
He thought if he told them, he'd have to stay even longer, and all he wanted to do was go home.  
Aaron wished Robert was with him, he was scared and alone.

It was 4am Aaron guessed, it was still dark.but the daylight was trying to break through, he hadn't slept yet, he'd tried, but to no avail.  
Aaron was feeling sick and his stomach hurt, then he had that watery taste in his mouth, before he knew what was happening , he had his head over the toilet, vomiting.  
He didnt know how many rimes he was sick, he didnt know what was wrong, he thought maybe it was the medicine he was taking, except he was never this sick.  
As he got back into bed, still curled up in the blanket, he grabbed his pillow to hug it, he didnt have Robert for comfort, he really wished he was at home, safe in his husbands arms.


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER 3

Robert awoke at 6.30am, he decided to get up, je made a cuppa and some toast, he knew if he dodnt look after himself, he wouldn't be any use to Aaron. He managed to gwt a few hours sleep, he only hoped Aaron had slept.

Aaron still didn't feel right, when a nurse came around at 8am with breakfast and medication. He didn't want anyone to know he was unwell, he didn't want anyone stopping Robert from visting., but before Robert arrived he had his first counselling session to attend.  
Aaron had requested one to one sessions, he didnt want group therapy, he didnt want to explain what had happened to him, to a group of stangers, he was already struggling as it was, having to do it with a new counsellor.

"Hello Aaron, I'm Joe"  
"Hi"  
"Why dont we start with you telling me a bit about yourself Aaron"  
"What do you want to know" replies Aaron.  
"Whatever you want to tell me Aaron"  
" You know I dont find it easy talking about stuff, I never have"  
" Thats ok Aaron, we can do it at your pace" replies Joe  
" Thanks, your not like other counsellors I've seen"  
" Is that a good or a bad thing?" Asks Joe  
" I think good, Do you know what happened to me?" Asks Aaron  
" Yes I do, I've read your files" replied Joe  
"Don't have to.go over it again then?" Replies Aaron.  
" It might help if you talk about it Aaron"  
"No! it really doesn't, not for me, it makes it worse"  
"How does it make it worse Aaron?"  
"Please can we not talk about it, please?" Begs Aaron.  
"Hey Aaron, its ok, we can try another day, tell me about Robert"  
The mere mention of Roberts name, sends a little smile across Aarons face.  
"I see his name makes you smile and happy"  
"Yeah he does,.it took us a while, but we are here now,.together, Roberts always been 'The One' for me, even during our darkest days, he was always there for me"

 

 

"Robert means alot to you?"  
"He means everything to me, I just wish I didn't waste those few months with that man, why did I have to go out with him?, why didn't I listen to Cain?, I'm such an idiot" cries Aaron.  
" Hey Aaron, listen to me, its ok, stay calm"  
"I'm just angery with myself, I allowed this to happen, its my own fault, now I'm being punished by being here" Sobs Aaron  
" Aaron, listen to me, none of what happened to you, or thats still happening to you is your fault, you are not to blame. You didn't allow anything to happen, you where in a controlling and abusive relationship and you are not being punished because your here, you are here because you need a little help to get better" replies Joe.  
"He always said it was my fault, hebsaid I deserved it, and I should be used to it because of what Gor.... Gor.... because of what hap.... hap.... happened when I was a kid" cries Aaron.  
"You find in hard to say Alex and Gordon dont you"  
The mention of both names makes Aaron recoil into himself, which Joe notices.  
"I can, sometimes, but when I do it makes my mind go into over drive" replies Aaron.  
" What do you mean? Can you explain it?"  
"My mind plays like a home movie, except it my own horror show and I'm the star" cries Aaron.  
Joe notices that Aaron is becoming very upset, he doesn't want to push him on the first session.  
"Aaron, I can see your upset, so we will leave it for today, is that ok?, I will see you tomorrow"  
"Ok, thanks" whispers Aaron.  
"Take care" calls Joe  
" Yeah" replies Aaron.

Robert was getting ready to go and see Aaron, he couldn't wait to see him and only hoped that he had slept ok, and that his first counselling session went ok, and it wasn't to much.

Aaron was back in his room, head over the toilet, throwing up again. He really didnt feel well, but he really wanted to see Robert, he needed Robert, he needed his husband.

Robert was driving ro the hospital, he wasn't sure what to expect, he was just looking forward to seeing his husband.

Aaron was curled up on his bed, he still felt sick and his stomach hurt, but dispite feeling ill he was excited because he got to see Robert.

Robert made his way to the psych ward, he signed in and was given a vistor pass. He made his way yo Aarons room, and found him on his bed, Aaron didnt even hear Robert enter his room.

"Aaron" calls Robert  
Aaron doesn't seem to hear Robert, so he makes his way over to Aaron.  
"Aaron, its Robert"  
"Robert! Aaron cries, you.came back"  
"I promised didnt I?" Replies Robert.  
Aaron leaps up from his bed, and wraps his arms around Robert and cries.  
"Hey, whats wrong? Did something happen?"  
"Just glad your here" replies Aaron, hugging Robert even tighter.  
"You sure your ok Aaron, you look pale"  
"I'm fine, having some side effects with the medication thats all, it will settle down soon I'm sure" replies Aaron  
"How did you sleep" asks Robert.  
" I didn't, I couldn't sleep" replies Aaron.  
" Talk to the Dr, he might be able to give you something to help"  
" I dont want sleeping pills, if I dont go to sleep.he cant get me" cries Aaron.  
"Hey Aaron, he cant get you"  
"Your not here Robert, you cant help me, your not here to make me feel safe, whos going to help me in here?" Shouts Aaron.  
" Aaron you know if I could stay with you I would, I hate leaving you here"  
"I know, I didnt mean to shout, I'm sorry" sobs Aaron  
"Come here, we will get through this together, I promise Aaron"  
Robert hugs Aaron tight, and Aaron holds on,not wanting Robert to let go.  
"I've been here 2 days Robert, and I just want to go home with you" cries Aaron  
"I know,.I wish I could take you home now" replied Robert.  
"Have you told Liv I'm here?" Asks Aaron.  
"No, not yet, I can ring here tomorrow if you want me to?"  
"Do you mind? I'm sorry I.cant do it"  
"You dont need to be sorry Aaron, I'll do it in the morning, your Mums coming to see you tomorrow"  
"Your still coming as well though aren't you?" Cries Aaron.  
"I told you I would vist everyday, and I will, so yes I'm still visting you tomorrow" replies Robert.  
"Good, I just want to go home with you"  
"I know, soon I promise, I brought some bits for you from home,.some photographs, your blanket that you sleep with everynight, and I found this, I dont know if you wanted it? No I haven't read it" replies Robert.  
Robert knew that was a lie, but he didnt want to upset Aaron, and in truth, he knew he should never read any of it in the first place.  
"Thanks for.the blanket Robert, you know that diary is only for me, I write my thoughts and feelings in it, Thank you for not reading it"  
"Hey Aaron, its your private thoughts and feelings, I hope in time though, you will share them with me though" replied a guilty feeling Robert.  
"I promise I will, one day Robert" replies Aaron  
"How did your first session go today with the counsellor" inquires Robert.  
"His name is Joe, went ok, then I got upset, but I did it" replies Aaron.  
"Are you.ok now though?  
"I'll be better when I'm home, when can I go home Robert"  
"Soon, I promise" replies Robert.  
Before they knew it, it was time for Robert to leave again.  
"Its not long enough Robert, please dont leave me on my own, stay with me please" pleads Aaron.  
"I'll be back tomorrow,I promise, plus your Mums visting you to" replies Robert.  
"Robert, I dont want to be here, I want to go home with you.... please" Aaron cries.  
"Soon I promise, and you can come home" replies Robert.  
"You promise?" Asks Aaron.  
"With my life Aaron, I promise" replies Robert.

Robert pulls Aaron into his arms, they hold each other, not wanting to part.  
"I have to go now Aaron"  
"I know, see you tomorrow" Aaron says through his tears.  
"Hey, dont cry, you can do this, I promise. You are the strongest, bravest man I know, just remember that ok?"  
"I dont feel strong or brave, I love you Robert" cries Aaron.  
"And I love you Aaron, with all my heart and soul" replies Robert.


	4. Chapter 4

CHAPTER 4

Robert was walking back to his car, he couldn't get Aarons face out of his head, he'd left the man he loved in tears, and there was nothing he could do about it.  
He couldn't just discharge Aaron and bring him home, thats not how it worked when a patient had been sectioned by a Dr.  
Aaron had already been through so much, and when Robert told Aaron he is the strongest and bravest man he knows, Robert means every word.  
Robert is so proud that he gets to call Aaron his husband.

Aaron sat on his bed going through the rest of the contents of the bag Robert had brought in for him.  
In the side pocket Aaron found a package wrapped in silver paper, with a label that read:-  
To Aaron  
I thought this would help keep you feeling safe when I'm not there with you. I'm so proud of you, and I love you forever and always  
All my love  
Your husband  
Robert  
xxx  
x  
Tears roll down Aarons cheeks, he removes the paper, and then opens the box, inside Aaron finds a torch and batterys with another little note from Robert,  
To Aaron  
I'm guessing you didn't tell the Dr about needing a light , so I thought this would be helpful, I spoke to the Dr for you, please dont be mad at me, but I want you to feel safe, if you need more battery's just let me know when I vist. I love you  
All my love  
Robert  
xxx  
x  
Aaron smiles, Robert really does know him.  
Aaron finds the photos, Robert also includes blu tak, so he put his photos on the wall.  
Aaron gets his blanket and wraps it around himself, it smells of home, it smells of Robert...


	5. Chapter 5

CHAPTER 5

Robert was back in Emmerdale, and went to update Chas about Aaron.

"Hey love, how's he doing?" Asks Chas  
"Well he begged me to take him home, he doesn't like it there, he said he just wants to come home, then when it was time to leave, I had to leave him there in tears, and I couldn't do anything" replies Robert.  
"He's in the best place Robert, they can help him" replies Chas.  
"That maybe true Chas, but it doesn't stop my heart feeling like its being ripped out of my chest evrytime I leave him"  
I know love, pint?" Asks Chas.  
"No thanks, I'm going home, calling Liv, was going to do it tomorrow, but I just want to hear her voice" Robert replies.

Robert texts Liv first to ask when is best to call her.  
He texts..  
R. Hey Liv, when are you free? I need to talk to you xx  
L. Call me now! Xx  
Robert called Livs number, unsure how he was going to tell her about Aaron.

" Hi Liv"  
"Whats wrong with Aaron Robert?"  
"Wow, straigjt to the point aren't you?" Replies Robert.  
"Robert, just tell me please"  
"Sorry Liv. The thing is Aarons been admitted to hospital by his Dr,.hes really struggling and he need some extra help, Aarons be sectioned Liv, hes on the psych ward at Hotten Gerneral"  
"Hows he soing in there Robert?"  
"He hates it there, begs me each time to take home each time i vist" replies Robert.  
" I'm coming home Robert!"  
"Liv I know you want to see him, but he wont see you, he only sees me, Chas amd Cain, he doesn't want people seeing him like that, and he wants you to enjoy college and make sometging of yourself, Aarons so proud of you Liv, we both are"  
"I'm proud of him Robert, can I call him or write" asks Liv  
"Of course you can, I will text you later with the address and phone number, he'd love to get a letter from you Liv"  
"Tell Aaron I love him, and Robert, thank you for looking after my brother"  
"Always,.I love him, and thats not going to change"  
"I best get back, love you Rob, bye"  
"Love you to, bye Liv.  
Robert hung up the phone, he could feel the tears forming in his eyes, and he let them fall, he was so proud of his little family, Aaron, the strongest and bravest man he knew, and Liv the strongest girl he knew.

Robert was busy at The Mill doing paper work, when his phone rang, it was the hospital, his heart sank, his first thought was Aaron.  
" Hello" replied Robert  
" Hey, its me" replies Aaron.  
" Hey, you ok?"  
"Yeah im ok, I miss you]  
" I miss you to Aaron, I spoke to Liv, she sends her love, and she will write soon"  
"Is Liv ok Robert?"  
"As well as can be expected given the circumstances, shes proud of you"  
" Can i ask you a favour?"  
" What do you need Aaron?"  
"Can you get me a sketch pad and pencils, I want my own stuff please, Iwant to try art therapy" replies Aaron.  
"Of course, I'll bring them with me tomorrow when I vist, you ok Aaron? You sound sad" asks Robert  
"Just feeling a bit down, but its to be expected, I'll have good and bad days, all part of the process"  
"I love you Aaron, your doing really well" repiles Robert.  
" I love you to, I've got to go, see you tomorrow?"  
" See you tomorrow Aaron, love you forever and always, bye Aaron"  
Forever and always, bye Robert"...


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Descriptions of violence and Rape.  
> Mentions of sickness.  
> Mentions of blood  
> Joe's actions in this chapter although extremely rare, can occur.

CHAPTER 6

Aaron was feeling sick and his stomach hurt again, he didnt know if it was his medication?  
Aaron curled up in his blanket on his bed and looked at his wedding photo up on the wall.  
He was so happy that day, he got to call himself Roberts husband, and Robert was his.

Robert was getting ready for bed, he had a few things to do tomorrow before visting Aaron.  
He hoped Aaron would sleep tonight, and he hoped it would be peaceful.

Aaron was still curled up in his blanket, his sromach still hurt and he still felt a bit sick.  
He thought if he slept, maybe he'd feel better, he was just scared of his nightmares...

AARONS NIGHTMARE PLAYING IN HIS MIND

Aaaron was running foe The Mill door, but Alex.got there first, he locked the door.  
Alex was.punching and kicking feom all directions, then a sound of crunching bone, Aaron felt a dull pain, that was gradually getting worse, Alex has broken Aarons wrist again.  
Aaron was fighting to get away, fighting through the pain.  
Alex had all his body weight on top of Aaron, he couldn't escape, he pleaded with Alex, but nothing was stopping him.  
Alex forcefully pushes himself inside Aaron, he tares Aaron, as blood runs down his legs, all Aaron can feel is pain, every thrust inside him hurt, he just wanted it to stop!

BACK TO THE PRESENT.  
Aaron was screaming in his sleep, tears streaming out the side of his eyes, one of the nightstaff heard him, they know not to touch him, just to talk to him.  
Joe was on duty and was called to Aarons room, nobody could wake him, Aaron was in the middle of a terrifying nightmare, tears running down his face, Joe had an idea, it was highly irregular, but worth it.

It was 4.30am when Robert heard his phone, he looked at the number and was immediately alarmed!  
"Hello"  
"Robert its Joe,.need your help, Aarons having a full blown nightmare and no one can wake him"  
"Put me nn speaker Joe, get eveyone else out the room except you"  
"Ok done, your on speaker"

"Aaron! You need to wake up, its Robert,.can you wake up for me? Aaron!  
"Robert! Please help me" cries Aaron  
"Hey its ok, I'm on my way, I love you" replied Robert.  
"Joe, I'm on my way, let me in when I get there, I'll be 15 minutes" replied Robert.  
"See you soon Robert" replied Joe

Robert got to the hospital in 10 minutes, Joe let him in, and after a brief chat, Robert ran to Aarons room.

"Aaron! I'm here, your safe, I promise"  
"Robert!" Cries Aaron before collapsing into Robert arms.  
"What happened Aaron" asks Robert.  
Aaron started to talk, and it just flowed out of his mouth...  
"I was trying to get out, away from him, but he locked the door, he had me on the floor, he was on top of me, I.... I cou.... I couldn't ge.... get away Robert, I tri.... I tried, Robert he ra.... he ra.... HE RAPED ME!Shouted Aaron, he hurt me so bad that I had to have stitches. Oh my god he ra..... he rape..... raped me Robert, why did he hurt me sobs Aaron  
"Its ok Aaron, I'm here, I'm not leaving you" replies Robert.  
"Promise?" whispers Aaron.  
"I promise, I need to talk to Joe, I will be right back, I Promise" replies Robert.  
" Dont go far away" asks Aaron.  
Robert goes to find Joe...


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter this time, next chapter will be a lot longer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mentions of nightmares. Please note Joe the counsellor is based loosely on my very own counsellor Wayne (thinking outside the box)

CHAPTER 7

"How is he?" asks Joe  
"Not great, hes distressed and I'm not leaving him, he described his nightmare to me, and for the first time since all this happened with Alex, Aaron uaed the word Raped, hes never done that before, hes always blamed himself for what Alex did to him, for Aaron to use the word Raped, is huge for him" replies Robert.

"Maybe he is now realising, its not his fault, replied Joe, please make sure you sign in Robert, so we know your here in case of an emergency " replies Joe

Robert signs in and tells Joe he's going back to Aaron.  
Robert finds Aaron in the corner of his room , still wrapped in his blanket, tears silently falling.  
"Aaron, what are you doing down here?"  
"Robert, you came back" replies Aaron.  
"I promised didnt I?

Robert sits down on the floor with Aaron, holding hom close as he weeps.  
"Hey, its going to be ok, promise"  
"Its never going to be ok Robert, never" cries Aaron.  
"Do you want me to go?" asks Robert  
"NO!, Please dont leave me Robert" cries Aaron.  
"Its ok, I wont leave you, you going to try and sleep?" Asks Robert  
"Can you lie with me Robert" asks Aaron  
" Of course I will" replies Robert.  
Aaron and Robert climb onto the bed, Aarons wrapped in his blanket as usual, Aaron curls himself into Roberts, Robert pulls him close, wrapping him in his arms.  
Not long after both where asleep, it didnt last long though, Robert was awoken by Aaron, he could tell he was dreaming and not a happy dream. Aaron held on to Robert, grabbning his shirt like he was trying to hold on to stop falling, then the screams happen, only this time, is wasnt Alex haunting his mind, it was Gordon.  
Aaron sounded like a child, as he calls out in his sleep.

"Daddy NO! It hurts, NO please dont hurt me again"

"Aaron wake up!, its Robert, can you wake up?"  
" Aaron its your husband" Robert whispers in Aarons ear.  
"My husband Robert? Cries Aaron  
"Thats me"  
"Hold me Robert, hes dead, why cant it leave my head?" Cries Aaron  
"Im here Aaron, I wont leave you"  
"You cant promise that, you aren't allowed to stay with me" Aaron replies sadly.  
"I'll find away, I cant leave you alone"


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for another short chapter, but I have written more, just editing taking a bit of time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mention of sickness.  
> Brief description of Rape related actions

CHAPTER 8

Robert must of dozed of at some point, when he awoke, Aaron wasn't beside him, he could hear him in the bathroom though, throwing up.

"Aaron, are you ok?" Asked Robert  
"Be out in a minute" replied Aaron.  
Aaron continued to be sick, and Robert was concerned.

"Aaron, can I come in please?" Asks Robert  
"Its not locked" replied Aaron  
Robert found Aaron on his knees, with his head over the toilet bowl.  
As Aaron continued to be sick, Robert gently rubbed his back.

"How you feeling now?"  
"Ok, can I have a hug please Robert?"  
"You never have to ask for a hug Aaron" replied Aaron  
"I just need to feel you Robery, my nightmares seem to be getting worse, and now Gor... Gor... now hes back in them" Aaron cries.  
"He cant hurt you Aaron, hes dead" replied Robert.  
"But he does Robert, everytime I have a nightmare, I feel the pain all over again, I can still feel him touch... touching me, I can still feel him in.... insi.... inside me, I cant stop it, it wont go away Robert, please help me, make it stop please Robert!" Cries Aaron

Robert rememers the last time Asron spoke like this, that time it was about Alex, now the same thing is happeming with his father, Gordon.  
Robert will never understand how a father, the man who is supposed to love you unconditionaly, could hurt their child, the way Gordon has hurt, and still continues to hurt Aaron.  
And then theres Alex, he was supposed to love Aaron, take care of him, not hurt him lile he did and still does.

Joe was coming off his nightshift, but before he left, he came to check on Aaron.  
He found Aaron asleep wrapped in Roberts arms?  
"How is he today?" Asks Joe  
"After you left last night he had enother nightmare, this time about Gordon. Even though hes dead, he still causing Aaron so much pain" replies Robert  
"Well I've spoken to the hospital staff and the head of the hospital, they know to call you when Aaron has a bad night, just remember always sign in and out, this is a special arrangement made at the discretion of the hospital.  
Aarons made it clear he doesn't want to be sedated, unless he becomes a danger, me personally, I prefer not to sedate a patient, unless its a last resort. Aaron maybe here against his will, but that doesn't mean I dont listen, my professional opinion is Aaron has a better chance of recovery if you are involved, he responds to your voice because he knows it and it makes him feel safe when he hears it, Im not going to take that away from him" replies Joe.  
"Thanks Joe, I've been with Aaron and the nightmares since he told me about Gordon, even when we went through the rough patch, Aaron knew he could call me anytime, and he did. I've never met anyone like Aaron before, so strong and brave, still loving despite everything. I think hes amazing" replies Robert.  
"You have a special bond, dont you" asks Joe.  
"Yeah, I suppose we do, Aaron made me see that it was ok to be me, and not live up to what my father expected me to be. He made me be myself and along the way, he got me to except my feelings for him, he said, you say the words, and I promise you, you wont be struck by lightning. So I told him I loved him, and he was right, no lightening, but it did pour with rain" Robert laughed

"We will get him through this Robert" replied Joe  
" I know" replied Robert.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mentions of sickness.  
> 

CHAPTER 9

Aaron woke suddenly and ran to the bathoom, Robert heard him being sick again.  
"Aaron, do you need me to get a Dr?"  
"No, its just side effects from the medication"

Aaron wasn't sure this was side effects though, he knows he shouls tell the DR, but hes scared it would mean staying in hospital even longer.

Just after 8am and the nurse came round with Aarons medication and breakfast, she watches him take his medicine then leaves him to it.  
"You can have my toast Robert, if you want?"  
"Not hungry I'm guessing" replied Robert  
"No, not really" Aaron replies.  
"I've got to go out in a bit, your mums coming by later dont forget"  
"Dont be gone long, I know your going home later, just want you with me as long as possible" replies Aaron  
"I'll be quick, I promise, love you" replies Robert  
"Love you more" replies Aaron.

Robert signs out, telling staff he will be back soon, and if hes needed to call his mobile.

Robert was walking around town, when he cam across a hoodie Aaron would like, he decided to buy it, so he went inside the shop and did just that, then he went to the art shop for Aaron, he got him a couple sketch pads and some pencls, Robert knew Aaron couls draw, he'd seen some sketches he'd done, he wasn't half bad Robert thought with a smile. Chas was getting ready to go and vist Aaron when Cain walked in the back. "Hey sis" "Hey" "Can you tell Aaron, I'll be in tomorrow, to see him" asks Cain "Course I will" replies Chas Robert makes his way back to the hospital, armed with supplies for Aaron, and biscuits and chocolate for the staff. Robert finds Aaron looking out the window, he's clearly crying, but has the I want to be alone expression on his face. Robert goes to find a member of staff to give them the biscuits and chocolates, as a way of thanking them for helping Aaron. Aaron was still looking out his window, todau was a bad day for him, which wasn't unusual after he'd had a nightmare. Aaron was beginning to wonder where Robert was, he needed to feel Roberts arms around him, he wanted to be back in his safe place, safe in the arms of his husband.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mentions of vomit and blood.

CHAPTER 10  
Robert made his way back to Aarons room, thevstaff had been very happy with their biscuits and chocolates.  
As Robert entered Aarons room, Aaron ran towards him and into his arms.  
"I thought you'd left me Robert"  
"Of course not, its ok, I'm here now"  
Robert and Aaron where curled up on the bed, Aaron had fellen asleep in Roberts arms, and Robert didn't want to let him go.  
Chas arrived at the hospital and signed herself in, she made her way to Aarons room, as she looked through the window, she could see Aaron was asleep and Robert was stroking Aarons cheek with his thumb, while still hugging him tight.

"Hey Robert, wasn't expecting you to be here already"  
"Hi Chas, been here a while actually, got called in at half 4 this morning, Aaron had a bad night and they couldn't get Aaron to wake up during one of his nightmares, so they called me and I brought him round over the phone, then I drove here, I couldn't leave Aaron alone after that, then he had another one, this time about Gordon, so he is emotional today, and a little confused and anxious" replied Robert.  
"Should I come back later?" Asks Chas  
"No, I'll just wake him up, he'll be glad to see you"replied Robert.

"Aaron, wakey wakey, your Mums here to see you"  
"Mum?" Replies Aaron  
"Hey love, everyone sends their love, Cain said he'd stop by tomorrow"  
"How is everyone?" Asks Aaron  
"Fine, just worried about you"  
"I'll go and get some coffee" offers Robert.  
"Thanks Rob" replied Chas?

"So how are you kiddo?' Asks Chas  
"Ok I guess, I just want to go home, I dont like it here" cries Aaron  
"Once your better,you can go home" reples Chas  
"Can you find Robert pleaae Mum"  
"Of course, I'll be right back" replies Chas  
As Chas left the room, Aaron ran to the bathroom to be sick again, this time he noticed sometging diffrent, his vomit contained blood.

Chas came back Robert, Aaron was back on his bed.  
Chas was talking about everything going on in the village, but Robert noticed Aaron was in his own little world, his body was present, but his mind was not.

"Aaron, are you with us?" Asks Robert  
"I'm sorry, what?"asks Aaron  
"Where did you go love" asks Chas  
"Nowhere, I haven't been anywhere..... I haven't have I?" Asks a confused Aaron.  
"Hey Aaron, its ok, just meant you looked like you where somwhere else in your mind" replies Robert.  
"Oh... sorry"replies Aaron  
"Aaron, are you ok" asks Robert concerned  
"Yeah, Im fine" replies Aaron  
" I'm going to get back love, be back in a few days, love you son"  
"Bye Mum, love you too" replies Aaron  
"Robert, I dont feel very well" Aaron cries  
"Whats wrong?" Asks Robert  
"I dont know, but I dont feel right... Robert I'm scared" cries Aaron  
"Its ok, I'll find help, I'll be back, I promise" replies Robert.

As Robert leaves, Aaron collapses to the floor, doubled up in agony, hes feeling hot, his heart felt like in was beating 10× faster than it should, he felt he was going to pass out.

Robert brought Dr Edwards to Aaron?  
"Aaron! Screams Robert, finsing Aaron on the floor.  
"It hurts Robert, please make it stop" pleads Aaron  
"Aaron,.tell me what hurts" asks Dr Edwards  
"My stomach" replies Aaron.  
"Can I look"asks Dr Edwards.  
"Yeah" replies Aaron.  
As soon as the Dr touches Aarons stomach, he screams in pain.  
"Aaron, have you been having stomach pains? And have you been vomiting?" Asks Dr Edwards.  
"Yeah, and today it had blood in it, its been going on a few weeks, but I thought it was the medication" replies Aaron.  
"I know its personal, but hows going for a wee been? Are you going more or less than usual?"  
"Less than normal, my stomach really hurts, whats wrong with me" asks Aaron.  
" I think you have a stomach ulser, and I think its burst...


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've tried to be as medically acurate as possible.  
> Gastroscopy- A thin flexible tube with a camera on the end,.thats passed down the throat and into the stomach and small intestine.  
> Peritonitis- Burst Stomach ulcer  
> Symptoms include-  
> High temperature  
> Sudden stomach pain, made worse when touched.  
> Rapid heartbeat  
> Not peeing/peeing less than normal  
> Swollen belly.

CHAPTER 11  
Aaron had been taken.to the main A+E department , he was made comfortable. He was hooked up to IV antibiotics, he was awaiting to be taken down for a Gastroscopy.  
Robert found Aaron, he looked so vunerable.  
"Aaron" called Robert  
"Robert, I thought you left, I'm sorry I didnt tell you, I really thought it was the medication" cries Aaron  
"Hey, you just need to get better, I love you Aaron, I just need you to get better" replied Robert.  
"I love you to Robert, I never stopped.

The Dr explained to Robert the procedure Aaron would be having, the a decision would be made regarding surgery.

"Hey, I'll be here when you get back, I promise. I love you"  
"I love you Robert, I'm scared, how pathetic is that?, a grown man and I'm scared" cries Aaron  
"Hey, its not pathetic, you have every right to feel the way you do, your still the bravest and strongest man I know, dont ever forget that" replies Robert.  
"I dont feel it" replies Aaron  
"You are to me Aaron" replies Robert.

"Aaron, five minutes, then we will take you down ok?" Says one of the nursing staff.  
"Ok, Thank you" Aaron replies.  
"I'll be here when you get back, I'm not going anywhere ok?"  
"Ok, wish you could come with me" replies Aaron.  
"You will be ok, I promise" says Robert  
"I know" whispers Aaron.  
"You ready? Its time to go" replies a nursing member of staff.

Robert watches Aaron being wheeled away, and wonders how much more Aaron can take?  
Robert went to call Chas and fill her in with what had happened.

"Hey Chas, its Robert  
"Whats wrong?"  
"Its Aaron, after you left he collapsed, they think he has a stomach ulser thats burst, there doing tests now, he may have to have surgery, I will let you know,.when I know. Hes been suffering for weeks Chas,.he nevee told anyone, he thought it was his medication"  
"When will my boy get a break?"  
"Im going back to get back to Aaeon, I will call back later"  
"Ok love, look after my boy and yourself ok?"  
"Always Chas,.bye"  
"Bye Rob" 

An hour had passed and Robert was worried, the Gastroscopy should only take about twenty minutes to proform.  
"Mr Sugden?"  
"Yes" replied Robert  
" I'm Joy, one of the nurses taking care of Aaron, we proformed the Gastrscopy, unfortunately the stomach ulcer had burst, which has caused Peritanitis, which is why Aaron had the high temperature, and severe.pain in his stomach, especially when touched, hes now in surgery, because some of the stomach lining has been damaged and it needs removing, he will be on IV antibiotics for ten to forteen days"  
"Is he going to be ok?" Asks Robert  
"There is no reason for us to believe he wont be, he should make a full recovery" replied Joy.  
"Thank you" replies Robert.

Robert calls Chas.  
"Hi Chas"  
"Hi Rob, whats the latest"  
"Aarons having surgery as we speak, they expect him to make a full recovery, he will be sore though, I need to get back, I promised Aaron Id be there when he got back, will ring you later"  
"Thanks Rob, tell him the family are thinking of him"  
"I will, bye for now"  
"Bye Rob"  
Aaron would be spending the night in recovery, before going back to the Psych ward the following day.

An hour and a half later, Aaron was back in recovery.

"Mr Sugden, I'm Mr Daniels, your husbands surgeon, I apologise for the wait, we had a minor complication during the surgery, which I'm please to report was a success, now when Aaron wakes up, his throat will be sore and his voice may be a little horse,I will check back in an hour, he should start coming round by then"  
"Thankyou" replied Robert.  
Robert sends Chas a text

R.Hi just to let you know Aarons out of surgery, and it went well, ring you later.  
C. Thanks love, send him our love when he wakes up.  
R. Will do.

 


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The surgeon is based on someone I know, they like to be called Mr, not Dr.

CHAPTER 12  
Robert held on to Aarons hand whole he waited for jim to wake up. Robert looks at Aaron sleeping, he thinks to himself that this is the only time on a long time that Aaron looks peaceful.  
Robert wishes Aarons sleep was always peaceful.

An hour later Mr Daniels the surgeon came back to check on Aaron.  
"Why isnt he waking up yet?" Asks Robert.  
"Dont worry, he will wake up in his own time, give it thirty minutes and I'll be back,.try not to worry Robert ok?" Replied Mr Daniels.  
"Thank you" replies Robert.

An hour amd twenty minutes after being brought back to recovery, Aaron started to wake up.  
"Hey, sleepy head"  
"Rob...."  
"Dont talk, your throats going to be sore for a few days, your going to stay here for tonight, then tomorrow we will go back to your room ok?"   
"K" was all Aaron could manage  
"I'm going to call your Mum, I'll be back soon ok?"

"Hi Chas"  
"Hi love, how is he?"  
"Hes just woke up, he cant talk at the moment, and he will have a sore throat for a couple of days, hes staying in recovery tonight, then tomorrow hes back in room, hes also on IV antibiotics for ten to forteen days and hes being fed via IV, but hes doing ok"  
"Bless him, Cain is still going to pop by tomorrow, he said he wont stay long if Aaeons not up to it?"  
"Aaron wants to see Cain, so dont worry, I'm going to get back to Aaron, I said I wouldn't be long"  
"Give him our love Robert, and I'll see him in a couple of days, bye love"  
"Bye Chas"  
Robert makes his way back to Aaron, Mr Daniels is there.  
"Hows he doing?" Asks Robert  
"He's in pain, but I've given him some pain relief, hes doing good" replies Mr Daniels  
"Thankyou for everything" replies Robert  
"My pleasure, take care Aaron, be back in yhe morning to check on you, before you go back to your room" replies Mr Daniels.  
Aaron managed a little smile, but didnt attempt to talk.

"Your Mum sends her love, and Cain is going to come by tomorrow, if your up for it?"  
"K" Aaron manages to say.

Aaron had fallen asleep, it was 11.30pm and Robert was wide awake.  
He kept looking down at Aaron, his amazing husband, and smiles, Robert has done alot of things he's not proud of in his life, and has made alot of mistakes, but looking down at his husband, he knew he'd made the right choice.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mention of nightmare.

CHAPTER 13  
It was around 4am, Robert could hear Aaron sob, he was still asleep, so Robert guessed he was having a bad dream.  
Robert tried to wake him gently, but it didn't work, then Aaron called out....  
"Please! No! Please dont hurt me" Aaron called out.

Robert whispers gently into Aarons ear.  
"Aaron, you need to wake up now"  
"RRR..."  
"Hey its ok, Im here, your safe with me" replied Robert.  
"Robert, I need you, I need a hug please" Whispers Aaron.  
"I've got you, I wont let you go, I promise Aaron" replied Robert.

Robert had got on the bed with Aaron, he had his arms around Aaron, careful to avoid his IV drips and his stomach from surgery.

"Morning Robert, how's our patient"  
"He had a bad dream, which is why I'm up here with him, he needed painkillers during the night to, but hes coping" replies Robert.  
"I wont disturb him, but I'll get a nurse to check his dressing later"  
"Thank you Mr Daniels" replied Robert.  
Aaron woke up around 9am, Robert wasn't there, he wondered if he had gone home, but he knew Robert wouldn't do that without telling him.

"Good morning Aaron, I'm here to check your dressing, is that ok?" Asks nurse Mo.

Aaron nods his head, hes feeling a little on edge, Aaron seems to of forgotten why he has a dressing.  
Nurse Mo changes the dressing and tells Aaron everything is looking good.

Robert comes back with a cuppa, he can see Aarons eyes are watery, and he looks confused.

"Hey Aaron, I'm here, you ok?"  
Tears fall from Aarons cheeks onto Roberts shirt.  
"Robert, why do I have all this? I dont understand" whispers Aaron  
"You dont remember? You had an operation because you had a stomach ulcer that burst, thats why you have been feeling ill these past few weeks"  
"I thought it was my medication, I remember now, I saw Mum, and I collapsed after she left" whispers Aaron.  
"Thats right, you remember now?"  
"Yeah, sorry" replies Aaron  
"Your voice is sounding better"  
"Throat still hurts" replies Aaron  
"It will pass soon, promise, you get to go back to your room today"  
"Good" replied Aaron  
"Cain is coming to see you this afternoon "  
"Ok" 

Aaron was back on the Psych ward, back in his room, Robert had gone home to get a shower and a change of clothes, but had promised Aaron he would only be gone a couple hours.  
Cain was due to vist soon, Aaron had decided to do some sketches, he had to be careful how he moved as.he didnt want to pop his stitches.  
Aaron was still sketching when Cain arrived.

"Hello sunshine"  
"Hi Cain"  
"How ya doing? Daft question I know"  
"Ok I guess, didnt expect this though?" Says Aaron pointing at his stomach.  
"Everything fixed in there now?"  
"Yeah, gunna be sore for a bit, hows everyone?"  
"Good, worried about you"  
"I'm sorry"  
"Stop that, this isnt your fault, and you'll be home before you know it" replied Cain  
"Hope so, I hate it in here Cain, I just want to go home" cries Aaron  
"You will be home soon, but we need you better first" replies Cain  
Cain notices Aarons drawing, its a sketch of Robert...


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short Chapter, just Aaron and fluffy Cain :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fluffy Cain.

CHAPTER 14

"Wow Aaron, this is really good" stated Cain  
"You think" replied Aaron  
"Yes, I didnt know you could draw like this" replied Cain  
" I used to alot before...."  
Aaron trails off,.Cain notices the tears gathering in Aarons eyes.  
" You should draw more, your really good Aaron" replies Cain.  
"Thanks"  
"Cain, I'm sorry I didn't believe you about, you know"  
"Its not your fault" replies Cain  
"It is though, you warned me, then he did tha.... he did tha...."  
Aaron couldn't finish his sentence, but Cain knew.  
"Dont ever blame yourself, you hear me, come here" replied Cain  
Cain wasn't known for being affectionate in these type of situations, but with Aaron it was different, he let him down as a boy , but now he would be around whenever Aaron needed him...


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaron goes on a bit of a rant, but bare with him, its all part of the process, he's full of self loathing, shame and not being a proper husband.

CHAPTER 15  
Robert saw Cain and Aaron through the window in the door,.he could see Aaron was upset,.but he had Cain, he left them to it,.and went to get coffee, je didnt want to leave Aaron for long.

Robert made his way back to Aarons room.  
"I brought coffee"  
"Nice one Sugden" replies Cain  
"You ok Aaron?" Asks Robert  
"I am now" Aaron replies with a little smile  
Robert and Cain talk while Aaron sketches them.  
Cain gets up to leave...

"Cain, for you" says Aaron  
Aaron hands Cain a sketch  
"Is that what I look like" jokes Cain  
"Yeah it is" Aaron replies with a little smirk  
"Its really good Aaron, thank you" replies Cain  
"Thanks" replies Aaron  
Cain leaves and its just Aaron and Robert.  
"I did one for you to, here"  
Aaron hands Robert a sketch of himself.  
"Wow, Aaron, its fantastic, thank you"  
"Glad you like it" replies Aaron  
"I love it, thank you" replies Robert  
"Robert,.you.know I love you,.dont you?, I know it took me a while to say it back after..... you know, I'm sorry I cant be a proper husband to you, I just cant, Im sor.....sorry, they broke me Robert, they both broke me, and I dont know ho.... how to come ba......back,.I dont know if I can come back, what am I going to do Robert?" Cries Aaron  
"Aaron,.you will come back, they have not broken you, your armour just has some damage, and we are working to fix it, ans you are my husband, who I love with all my heart, Im with you every step of the way ok? I love you Aaron Dingle " replies Robert  
"I love you.so much Robert, I'm sorry I'm so damaged, I try so hard to be ok, but I'm not, sometimes I wish that I didnt wake up, if I dont wa.....wake up, it would all go away, then I think about you, I think if I'm gone, I loose you forever, and I ca...... can't loose you Robert, not again,but I know if I stay like I'am, not being a proper husband,.your going to leave me, and I wouldn't blame you, Gor.... Gor.... he always said I wasn't worthy of love, and that everyone leaves me in the end, but I want to prove him wrong Robert, I'am worthy of love and I'am your husband, I'm sorry if I dont make amy sense, I've never been good with words, you know that" replies Aaron.  
"Aaron, you are amazing, your brave and your strong, dont ever let anyone tell you diffrent, and yes you are my husband, who I love and I'm not going anywhere ok?" Replies Robert.  
"I love you more Robert, come here" replied Aaron  
Robert and Aaron hugged each other, Aaron sobbed in his husbands arms, the only place he ever feels safe, is in the arms of his husband.  
Robert could feel Aarons tears soaking through his shirt, it made him hold on to Aaron that little bit tighter....


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone is trying to scare Aaron, but who is it?, and why are they doing it? (Ongoing)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Description of panic attack.  
> Fragile Aaron

CHAPTER 16  
Robert went to get some tea, while he was gone, a nurse delivered a letter to Aaron, saying it was left at the front desk, what was odd, was it was addressed to a Mr Aaron Livesy, Aaron hadn't been a Livesy in a long time.  
Aaron opened it. Fear began to take over, followed by shea panic! The letter read:-  
Dear Aaron,  
Hello son, longtime, no see, I bet your thinking, your supposed to be dead, SURPRISE ! Im not! Im coming to get you son!  
Dad xx

"No, no no, this cant be happening, I saw you, you where dead!. I saw you!"

Aaron felt his chest tightening, his head was spinning and his vision blurred. He felt the walls closing in around him, he wanted to shout for Robert, but no words came out. Aaron found it increasingly difficult to breath. He wanted Robert.

Robert made his way back to Aaron, he heard a crash, discarding the teas, he ran to Aarons room, to find him collapsed on the floor, struggling to breath.  
"Aaron, its Robert, listen to my voice, just my voice, now deep breath in..... then let it out, and again, in.... and out..... good, deep breath in.... and out.... how you feeling?"  
"Bet.... bet...."  
"Aaron deep breaths, in..... and out.....thats good, and again.... well done... deep breath in..... and out..... better?"  
"Robert!" Cried Aaron  
"What happened?" Asks Robert  
Aaron hands him the letter  
"No one calls me that Robert, except him, but he's dead, I saw him dead" cries Aaron  
"Look at me Aaron, he is dead, this is some sick joke, how did you get it?"   
"Nurse, ahe said it was left at the feont desk for me" replied Aaron  
"I'll be back Aaron, I promise" replied Robert  
Robeet phoned the police, to let them know about the latest letter. Robert thought to himself why is Alex doing this to Aaron?, why is he still hurting him?, and how is he doing it from prison without anyone knowing?  
"Hey Aaron, I'm back"  
"Robert, please dont go"  
"I'm not going anywhere, I promise"  
Joe had been on rounds when he noticed Robert looking worried.  
"Hi Robert"  
"Hi Joe"  
"You look worried, did something happen with Aaron?"  
"You could say that, came back to him having a.panic attack,.someone sent.him a letter supposedly feom his dead Dad, now I think Aaron is doubting him self, he went to see Gordon after he died, tried to lay some ghosts to rest, now this has him questioning himself, he a bit of a mess" replies Robert  
"I'm due to see him later, maybe we can talk about it then, if you need me before then, you have my number, call me" replies Joe.  
"Thanks" replies Robert.  
Robert returns to Aaron, he finds him curled up in his blanket, Aaron tries to hide the fact hes crying, but Robert knows.  
"Aaron, come here"  
"Robert, Aaron cries, I'm scared, someone is still trying to hurt me, am I that much of a bad person?" Asks Aaron  
"You are not a bad person Aaron, no one deserves this, we will work it out, I promise" replies Robert  
"I'm supposed to be safe in here, but they still got to me Robert, what if they try to take me away, I cant....."  
"Hey, its ok, I'm here, I wont let anyone take you" replied Robert.  
"Never leave me Robert" whispers Aaron  
"Never" replies Robert.

Security around the hospital had been increased, police where going through CCTV to see if they could find the person who left the letter, Robert had let the Dingles know what was going on, and he had also informed Liv's college, who had increased their security.  
"No one is ever going to hurt Aaron again!" Robert said allowed to himself.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter.

CHAPTER 17  
Joe made his way to Aarons room after a call from Robert,.Aaron wasn't comfortable leaving his room, the letter from earlier had really messed with his already fragile mind.  
Robert went.to get food, as Joe and Aaron talked.  
"Hi Aaron"  
"Hi"  
"Been a rough day?" Asks Joe  
"Yeah"  
"Do you want to talk about it?" Asks Joe  
"No"  
"What do you want to talk about Aaron?"  
"Nothing"  
Joe was worried that Aaron was beginning to shut down emotionally, he didnt want him to stop talking.

"Aaron, you know you can talk about anything you want" said Joe  
"Can I go home please?" Sobs Aaron  
"I'm afraid not Aaron, not yet" replies Joe  
"Wheres Robert!" asks Aaron alarmed  
"Its ok, hes in the canteen, so we can talk"  
"Can you get him to come back please?" Asks Aaron  
"Would you be more.comfortable of Robwrt was here?" Asks Joe  
"Yes, please get him back for me" begs Aaron  
"Its ok, I'll ring him ok?"  
"Thankyou" whispers Aaron

Robert ran back to Aarons room, before he gets to the door, Joe is waiting for him.  
"Hi Robert,jist wanted to let you know, Aaron is possibly starting to emotionally shut down verbally, he doesn't want to talk, hes giving one word answers, until he realised you where missing, we have to be careful Robert, I dont want Aaron to shut down completely" replied Joe  
"I dont know how much more he can take Joe" replies Robert  
"Thats why we are going to do, what ever it takes, ok?"  
"Yeah" replies Robert.

"Hey I'm here Aaron" replies Robert  
Aaron goes up to Robert, and falls into his arms, holding on tight, he doesn't say a word, he just sobs and snuggles his head onto Roberts shoulder.  
For the remainder of the session, Aaron doesn't say a word, nothing Joe or even Robert says can get Aaron to talk.  
Was Robert loosing Aaron?.......


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Scared Aaron :-(  
> Mention of the Devil  
> Aaron blaming himself   
> A broken Aaron :-(  
> One night stand is covered in this chapter, its not Rebecca and there is no baby.

CHAPTER 18

Over.the next few days, Aaron barely spoke,.unless it was in his sleep due to nightmares,.or struggling to breath due to panic attacks,.he had become sensitive to sound,.loud noises that wouldn't bother him normally, suddenly now agitate him. His surgery scar was healing well, but nurses had become aware that Aaron was back to being scared when touched, even though they where there to help him. Aaron seemed to have taken a step back in his progress. Joe needed to try and breakthrough the walls Aaron had built up in only a few short days.  
Aaron had taken refuge in drawing, he had dozens of sketches,.but one drawing kept.coming up again and again, Robert wasn't sure what he ahould do, and Aaron didnt want to talk about it, at least not with Robert, maybe Joe would have better luck?

"Hello Aaron"  
"Hi"  
"Do you want to talk today?" Asks Joe  
"Yeah" replies Aaron  
"Whats on your mind?"  
"Lots of things,to much stuff"  
"Tell me, it will lighten the load" replies Joe  
"I'm scared, I'm so scared, what if someone trys to take me away?, we know they can get in here undetected, the police said the peraon who left the letter, didnt once show their face, I cant go throught it again, I cant" cries Aaron  
"Aaron, you are safe here, no one is allowed near you unless authorised to do so" replies Joe  
"I dont feel safe Joe" cries Aaron  
"I know Aaron, but you are, I promise, can you tell me why you haven't been talking Aaron?" Asks Joe  
" I dont know what to say anymore, Im broken, and I dont know if I can be fixed" sobs Aaron  
"Your not broken Aaron, you just have a dent in your armour and together we are going to fix it ok?" Replies Joe  
"Ok" whispers Aaron.  
"Aaron, I'm going to ask you to show me something that you have drawn, is that ok?" Asks Joe  
"Ok"  
" Robert is worried about you, you drawing a black mass with red eyes, you have drawn it alot, can you tell me about it?" Asks Joe  
"Its my devil, he's everywhere, in my dreams, in my nightmares, everywhere I go, he wont leave, I thought if I drew him enough, he'd go away, but he wont leave, hes still here" cries Aaron  
"Aaron, does he have a face?"  
"Yeah, hes both of them" cries Aaron  
"Who is them Aaron?" Asks Joe  
"Please.dont make me say their names" pleads Aaron  
"I know this is difficult Aaron"  
"You have no idea Joe, I hate it, why did I let them hurt me?, why?!?" Sobs Aaron  
"You need to stop blaming yourself Aaron, none of this is your fault"replies Joe  
"They said it was my fault, said I deserved what I get, you know, you hear it enough times, you start to believe it" replied Aaron  
"Its not your fault Aaron" replies Joe  
"I know" whispers Aaron with tears rolling down his cheeks.  
"Do you want Robert? He's just outside"  
"Please" replies Aaron.

As Joe goes to het Robert, Aaron can't stop the tears, and if he's honest he doesn't want to, he needs to get it out.  
He has so much pain, anger and betrayal to let go of, some will be easy to let go of, others will not be,.others will take time.  
Aaron still hasn't fully excepted what Alex has done to him, or talked about it properly.

"Its ok Aaron, I'm here" replies Robert, while taking Aaron in his arms.  
"Robert, do you ever regret that we met?" Asks Aaron  
"Never" replies Robert  
" Im sorry, its just when we got married, this wasn't part of the deal was it?, I'm damaged Robert and dont say I'm not, I know I'am, I know I'm broken, but I promise, I promise I'm trying to mend" cries Aaron  
"Aaron, you.dont have ro promise me anything" replies Robert  
"Robert, when will it stop hurting?, when will I stop hurting like this?, when will I be normal?, when will I be me again?" Sobs Aaron  
Robert pulls Aaron into his arms

"Aaron, your going to get through this, I promise, I love you Aaron, we will get through this" replies Robert  
"Are we?, I.dont know anymore, I dont want to loose you Robert, but I'm scared you will leave me" cries Aaron  
"I promise, I wont leave you, I'm yours forever and always" replies Robert.

"You sais that before Robert, I loved you and you broke my heart, and I know since everything happened that I forgave.you, but I'm so scared I'm going to loose you again, I dont want to feel that pain again Robert, I cant do it again" cries Aaron  
"Aaron, the night I cheated on you, it wasn't planned, and I wish it never happened, I never wanted to be the one to cause you pain and hurt you,.I still cant believe I did that to you, and I swear I will never hurt you again" replies Robert  
"I know, and I believe you Robert, I wish we had tried harder to stay together, then I would never have met him, he would never of hurt me,.he would never of entered my life, why did I say yes to thet first date? You know he was nice when we first started seeing each other, then I dont know what I did wrong? What did I do wrong Robert to make him hurt me?" Sobs Aaron  
"You did.nothing wrong Aaron,.I'm so sorry, if I didnt hurt you to begin with, you would never of met Alex, I'm so sorry Aaron" replies Robert

Robert notices that the mention of Alex by name makes Aaron recoil.  
"Its ok Aaron, he can't hurt you ,'Im here" replies Robert  
"Promise me you can be faithful Robert , I dont want you to leave me" cries Aaron  
"I promise Aaron, its only ever you, your it for me, forever, I promise" replies Robert  
Robert and Aaron fall into each others arms, both feeling better after their talk. Both silently crying.  
"I love you Aaron"  
"I love you to Robert" whispers Aaron.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mentions of Jacksons dealth  
> Still loves Jackson (not like he loves Robert though)  
> Aaron scared of loosing Robert again.

CHAPTER 19  
Robert and Aaron sat in silence for a moment, Robert had his face in his phone, Aaron was sketching his husband, making sure he caught his husbands beautiful blue-green eyes.  
Robert and Aaron both knew they would have to talk as some more, but right now they where glad they had started the ball rolling.

Aaron had started to see Joe five days a week, Aaron felt he needed more support with his thoughts and feelings. Since Robert and Aaron had, had their talk, Aaron had began to allow the walls he'd built up tp protect himself, to fall.   
He had requested his family not vist,but he still spoke to them on the phone. He only wanted Robert.

Aaron was getting ready before Joe arrived, when he came across a package with his name on, he was apprehensive at first because of the letter.  
Aaron opened the note attached to the package.  
It read:  
To Aaron  
Saw this and thought of you 😊  
I love you, always will  
Love from  
Robert  
xxx  
x  
Aaron smiled, then saddness over came him, he wished they could be like they used to be, before everything happened.  
Tears fall from Aarons cheeks onto Roberts note, smudging his writing.  
Aaron whispers "Why didn't I listen to myself, instead of listening to everyone else"  
Robert is watching Aaron through the window, he'd forgotten about the package, he'd bought it the same day Aaron collapsed with his stomach ulcer.

Aaron opened the package to find a hoodie (he does love a hoodie)  
Robert would never admit it to Aaron, but he loved his husband in his hoodies, Robert knew Aaron had lost weight, but didn't relise how much until he put the hoodie on. Since Alex, Aaron had been having issues with food, which has now been put down to the ilcer that was discovered after his admission to hospital, since surgery (which was healing as it should) Aaron was being fed via IV drip, which didn't seem to be agreeing with him. The Dr's wanted to try and introduce solid food again, a little at a time.  
Robert walked into Aarons room and immediately pulled Aaron into his arms.

"I love you Aaron"  
"I love you to Robert, thanks for this" Aaron replied pulling at his new hoodie.  
"Your welcome, your worth it, I'd give you the world if I could" replies Robert.  
"Robert, when Im done with Joe, can we maybe go for a walk please?" Asks Aaron  
"Course we can" replies Robert.

Robert took himself off to the canteen while Joe and Aaron tackled another session.  
"How you doing Aaron?" Asks Joe  
"I cry alot" replies Aaron  
"Crying is good Aaron believe it or not"  
"Well I must be the master of it" replies Aaron  
"Anything in particular making you cry" asks Joe  
"Memories, good and bad" replies Aaron  
"Whats the good?"  
"Just remembering good times, before all this happened" Aaron says quietly  
"Ok, do you want to tell me about them"   
"No! Their mine, can I not keep them for me" asks Aaron  
"No one is going to take your happy memories away from you Aaron"  
"My Da.... he did, he took my happy memories away" cries Aaron.  
"Can you talk about the bad memories?" Asks Joe  
"Where do you want me to start" asks Aaron  
"Whatever you feel comfortable with Aaron"  
"I'll never be comfortable sharing Joe, did you know I killed someone Joe?"  
"Yes Aaron, I'm aware you helped someone end their suffering"  
"Police called it murder, I went to court, I thought the Jury would say I was guilty, but they didn't" replied Aaron  
"Did you think it was murder Aaron" asks Joe  
"Not at first, but then in court the prosecution said some things, that made me think diffrent" replies Aaron  
"What did they say?"  
"Sorry, can we talk about something else now please?"  
"Ok, we'll come back to it another day ok?"  
"Jackson, that was his name, he was my first boyfriend , my first everything actually, I loved him, still do, Am I a bad person for still loving him? He help me so much, I was 18 and really struggling with who I was, you know before we got together, I ended up on an assualt charge, because I hit him. I was so scared my family would find out I was gay, and I didnt want anyone to know, we were at my Mums pub and he tried to hold my hand, and I hit him, I had this stupid idea that my D... my D..... that what he did to me, made me this way, I just didnt want people to know I was Gay. I didnt mean to hurt him, I tried to kill myself, nearly succeeded to, then d he court case happened for d he assualt and it all came out in court, was all over the front page of the local papers, everyone knew. My Grandad was old school, so me being Gay didnt go down well, he said some horrible things to me and it hurt me, when I was younger and I came to stay with my Mum, he taught me how to play cards, back then, he was really the only person I spoke to. After court, Jackson didnt rwally speak to me. Jackson was the only person I could talk to though, then we got close and started to see each other. I remember the day he told me he loved me, it was 29th September 2010, I remember because no one had ever told me me they loved me before, I didn't say anything, I walked away, I was shocked someone could love me, then the accident happened, I thought he was dead when I saw him, his face was covered in blood, I had nightmares after that. I remember telling Jackaon he'd never walk again, I remember the look on his face when I said the words, if I could of changed places with him, I would of in a heartbeat, you know after what happened wied h Al.... Al.... with him, I’d go to Jacksons grave and talk to him, I'd go when I couldn't sleep and it was dark" says a tearful Aaron  
"Aaron dont feel bad for loving someone who meant something to you, Jackson is gone, but you shouldn't feel bad for still loving him" replies Joe  
"He will always be special to me, he told me before he died, dont forget me, and I haven't, he also told me to move on and fall in love again, and I did with Robert, its diffrent, its scary how much I love Robert. Do you think Robert will be mad at me for visting Jackson and still loving him?" Asks Aaron  
"Have you ever told Robert?"  
"No, I dont want to looae him, not again" cries Aaron  
"I dont think Roberts going anywhere Aaron"  
"I cant tell him, he will think I dont love him, and I do, so much"  
"Why dont I get Robert, and we can talk about it together"  
"No, please dont Joe, I will loose him if he finds out, please dont" begs Aaron  
"Calm down Aaron, its ok, if you dont want to thats fine.  
"Thanks" whispers Aaron  
"Will I ever be able to be a proper husband to Robert?" Asks Aaron  
"Truthfully? I cany answer that Aaron, what you have been through, its going to take time to work through it and begin the healing process, what I can say is I dont believe Robert is going anywhere, I've seen him around you Aaron, he worships the ground you walk on" replies Joe  
"I feel like I'm going to loose him, I lost him once before, I cant loose him again" sobs Aaron  
"I think you need to talk to Robert and explain how you feel" replies Joe  
"I know, its just hard" cries Aaron  
"Just think about it ok?" Replies Joe  
"Ok" Whispers Aaron.  
Aaron had talked for the full hour, he wasnt sure if he made any sense to Joe.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Description of Jacksons crash  
> Nightmare.  
> Suicidal thoughts  
> Self- harm thoughts.  
> Insecure Aaron.  
> Description of panic attack

CHAPTER 20  
Robert made his way back to Aaron's room.  
Aaron was sat on the bed, tears staining his face.  
"Can I have a hug please Robert?" Cries Aaron  
""Hey, you never have to ask" replies Robert  
"I need to talk to you about stuff, but I'm scared you will leave me because of what I tell you" sobs Aaron  
"Im not going anywhere Aaron, I promise, is this about Jackson?" Asks Robert  
"How do you know?" Asks Aaron.  
"I woke up one morning and you where gone, I looked in all the usual places, then I thought about Jackson, thats when I saw you, sat down at his graveside, talking to him" replied Robert  
"Why didn't you say anything"asks Aaron  
"I thought if you wanted me to know, you would tell me, when you were ready" replies Robert  
"I didn't know how to tell you, plus I didnt want you to think I want crazy talking to a dead man"  
"Jackson isn't just a dead man though Aaron, he was your first love, I know how much he help you when you were struggling, I also know there is a piece of your heart that I will never have, because it will always belong to Jackson, I know you still love him, and thats ok Aaron, I know he will always be part of you, I love you Aaron, and I do understand ok?" Replies Robert  
"The way I love Jackson isn't the same as I love you Robert cries Aaron, he will always be part of who I am, he help me except who I was and am, Im sorry O didn't tell you about me visting his grave" replies Aaron  
"I was glad you were talking to someone, even if they couldn't answer you"   
Aaron smiles and hugs Robert that little bit tighter, and it was true, the love he feels for Jackson, is nothing like the love he feels for Robert.  
Robert and Aaron didn't make their walk, Aaron didn't want to leave his safe place, the safety of his husbands arms.

The nightmares were back, this time though, there was no Alex or Gordon, this time it was Jackson.  
7th October 2010  
Crash!!  
Aaron with tears in his eyes ron towards the sound, with the tears stinging his eyes, he ran even faster.  
As he gets to the train track he shouts Jacksons name, but all he hears is silence, except for a flashing signal box.  
Aaron runs towards Jackson's van, he finds his boyfriend unconscious, face covered in blood, Aaron begs him to talk to him, to open his eyes.  
Robert notices Aaron is dreaming and hold him tighter, suddenly Aaron screams out:  
"Jackson No!"  
"Aaron wake up, its Robert.  
"Please dont die! Screams Aaron  
What ever Aaron was seeing, it was making it difficult to wake him.  
"Aaron wake up!"  
"Robert!"  
"Hey its ok Aaron, I'm here"  
"It was Jacksons cra..... crash, so much blo....blood, I thought he was dead, it was my fault Robert" cries Aaron  
"It wasn't your fault Aaron" replies Robert  
"If I didnt ring him, he woudn't of crashed" sobs Aaron  
"Aaron, you didnt make him answer his phone, he made that choice himself" replies Robert  
"I don't want to be here anymore, I love you, but I cant see a way for me to stay, its to hard, I cant do it Robert. I'm so tired, I just want it all to go away" cries Aaron  
"Aaron, what do you mean?" Asks a concerned Robert  
"Robert, their back, the bad thoughts are back" sobs Aaron  
"Do you want to hurt yourself Aaron?" Asks Robert  
"Yeah, I do, I'm sorry" cries Aaron  
""We can get through this Aaron, I'm not leaving you, how can I help you?" Asks Robert  
"Stop telling me everything is going to be ok, I know its not, it will never be ok" sobs Aaron  
"You can get better Aaron, you have to fight" begs Robert  
"I have been since I was eight Robert, I'm tired of fighting" cries Aaron  
"Please Aaron, I cant loose you" cries Robert  
"I'm sorry, I'm trying really hard Robert" sobs Aaron  
"I know you are, I'm so proud of you Aaron"  
"I know" whispers Aaron.  
Robert calls Joe and explains what has happened, Joe makes his way to Aarobs room, in all the years Joe has been doing his job, he's never come across a patient as damaged as Aaron. Joe is determined t o help Aaron find peace.

"Hi Aaron, me again" says Joe  
"Robert told you?"  
"He's worried about you Aaron, he doesn't want to loose you"  
"My head is so messed up, I feel like its going to explode" cries Aaron  
"I'm here to listen, you can talk about anything, you really need to open up about Alex, I know you dont find it easy Aaron"  
"I know, your right its not easy" replies Aaron  
"It will help, we can stop at anytime Aaron"replies Joe  
"I dont think I can, I ca....ca....  
Joe notices Aarons breathing has become a struggle,  
Aaron feels dizzy.  
"Aaron you need to breath, deep breaths, Aaron its Joe, take deep breaths for me"  
"I ca..... ca......" Aaron couldn't talk, he was feeling lightheaded, suddenly he falls to his knees, he feels he's about to pass out......  
But then he hears it, that voice, calling his name.

"Aaron! Listen to my voice, deep breath in..... and out, and again, in..... and out, Aaron look at me, thats right, their they are those beautiful blue eyes"  
Robert notices Aarons eyes have a saddness to them, they look haunted even. Not supprising considering what those eyes had, had to witness, the tears they have shed.  
"Aaron, how do you feel?" Asks Robert  
"Tired" replies Aaron  
"Here, drink this slowly" asks Robert  
"Thanks" replies Aaron taking small sips of water.

Robert and Joe both look at Aaron, a man dealing with so much, trying his beat to fight to get better, fragile, yet strong at the same time.  
Aaron was looking out the window, when Joe spoke.  
"Aaron, how you feeling" asks Joe  
"Im cold, and a bit shakey" replies Aaron  
"Do you want to talk about what happened?  
"No, not now, I'm not sure what I want to do anymore" cries Aaron  
Joe decided to leave Aaron for a few hours, and arranged to come back later that day, he needed Aaron to talk, but he doesn't want to force the issue, its clear its not going to be easy to get Aaron talking about Alex.  
"Robert, you can go home if you want"  
"I dont want to leave you alone" replies Robert  
"I can't keep relying on you, I need to do this myelf, I need to stop being afraid, I'm so scared Robert, but none of this is fair on you, you need to move on, I'm never going to be the Aaron everyone knew, he's gone and I cant see him coming back" cries Aaron  
"Aaron, I'm not going anywhere, your my Aaron, my husband, I know youe scared, but I'm here, I'm not going anywhere, I will keep you safe, I promise" replies Robert.  
"I love you so much Robert" sobs Aaron as he falls into Roberts arms and sobs.  
"Whats happening to me Robert?, I'm saying things I dont mean, I dont want you to leave me and move on, your my Robert" cries Aaron  
" I dont know, but we will find out and I promise I'm going nowhere" replies Robert


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mention of violence  
> Mention of/implied Rape  
> Panic

CHAPTER 21  
It was 3pm, and Joe was.making his way to Aarons room.  
"Good afternoon Aaron"  
"Hi"  
"Do you feel like talking Aaron?" Asks Joe  
"No, but I know you want me to, so I'm going to have too" replied Joe  
"Aaron, I'm not going to force you to do something you dont want to do"  
"Thats not true though is it?, because your forcing me to stay here and I dont want to be" replies Aaron  
"Thats true, but your here for your own saftey, we're trying to help you get better, we're trying to help you"  
" I just want to go home" sobs Aaron  
"I know you do Aaron, I'm here to help you, whatever you tell me, its confidential, no one else will know what you tell me" replies Joe  
" You know apart from Jackson, Roberts the only man I've ever been in love with, when we broke up, I really struggled, I missed him so much, even though he broke my heart, I couldn't stop loving him, we've been through so much, even when we were apart, Robert was always there, he can read me like a book, everyone told me to move on, forget Robert, but hes always been in here (Aaron point to his head) and in here (points to his heart). In the end I thought if I went out with Al..... wi....... with him, everyone would leave me alone, even when we started seeing each other, I thought about Robert, then Robert said he was happy for me, and it felt like id lost him all over again, I thought he didn't love me anymore Aaron sobs, so I started seeing Al.....him, I liked him, but I told him I wasn't ready for the intimate side of a relationship, I thought he was ok with waiting, but I was wrong"  
Joe could see the tears forming again in Aarons eyes?  
" Do you want to stop Aaron" asks Joe  
"Can I just talk? I dont know how long it will last" replies Aaron  
"You can stop at anytime ok?"  
"Ok"  
Aaron starting pacing around the room, tears were falling, but he tried his best to carry on  
"You ready to carry on Aaron"  
After a long pause, Aaron begins to talk again  
" I remember the first time he hit me, he's all muscle so he packed a punch, I remember it was also the first time he broke my wrist, I dont even know what made him flip, before I knew it, it was like he'd moved in, the beatings got worse, I didn't know how to ask for help, id never had anyone who cared enough, I was scared (I still am,he whispers) I was Aaron Dingle, id never backed down from anything in my life, I've fought for as long as I can remember just to survive, but he beat me so bad, I lost my fight, then he wouldn't wait anymore for an physical relationship, so he just took it, I begged him not to, bu..... bu....... he...... I sa......."  
"Its ok Aaron, deep breath in, like you do with Robert"  
"Sor.....sor......sorry" replies Aaron  
"No need to apologies, your doing really well, do you think you can carry on?" Asks Joe  
"I'll tr.... try" replies Aaron  
Aaron was pacing from one end of the room to the other, while trying to control his breathing.  
"When your ready Aaron" replies Joe  
"He was on top of me, I couldn't get aw.... aw..... away, I tried, I really tri.....tried, the way he shouted at me, when he was ra.....ra...... doing that!, he sounded just like Gor.... Gor....., why?! What did I do wrong?" Sobs Aaron  
"You did nothing wrong, do not blame yourself, you did nothing wrong Aaron" replied Joe  
"I'm being punished" cries Aaron  
"No Aaron, you are not being punished" replies Joe  
"Can we st..... stop ple..... please"  
"you've done really well Aaron, when my shift is over, I will come by and check on you ok?" Replies Joe  
" Ok, thanks" whispers Aaron.  
Joe leaves Aaron in his room, as soon as Joe leaves, Aaron lets out a loud sob, he wasn't even aware hed been holding in, as he slides down ed he wall, tucking his knees under his chin, the flood gates open, tears freely fall onto his new hoodie, Aaron lets them fall, he makes no attempt to wipe them away, talking to Joe had opened a flood gate, now it was threatening to overflow...

Robert was making his way back to Aaron, he knew after a session with Joe, Aaron would be emotional and wouldn't want to talk much. He knew Aaron would need him.  
Aaron was still in the same position, up against the wall with his knees under his chin. When Robert walked in, no words were needed, Robert joined Aaron on the floor, and pulled Aaron into his arms, Aaron melted into Roberts embrace, he held on to Robert tight, while the tears continued to flow.

Aaron fell asleep, always did after an emotional counselling session, Robert looked down at his husband sleeping, dark circles had formed under his eyes, and he could just make out the reddness of his eyes, due to all the tears, Robert saw the broken shell of a man, that once housed his husband. There was no getting away from the fact that Aaron was not the same man he met back in 2014, how could he be after what hes gone through, but Robert didn't care, he knows Aaron is still in there, and he will get him back. He loves him, and he will do anything to help Aaron, his husband and soulmate.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mentions of Aaron self harming again.  
> Liv is mentioned via texts with Robert.

CHAPTER 22  
It was early evening and dinner was due anu minute, Aaron was now on small amounts of solid food, topped up with vitamin supplements via injection.  
Aarons stitches had been removed, all that remained was a 8inch scar.  
But Aaron still had pain though, except nobody knew but Aaron, not even Robert knew, Aaron has been told over and over again that if he talks about what happened to him, he would feel better, except for Aaron it had the opposite effect, he just wanted to punish himself, he still belived everything that happened with Alex was his fault because he didn't fight back.  
No matter what anyone tells him, Aaron believes he was, and is weak.  
Now with no Drs or Nurses needing to check on his surgery scar and stitches, Aaron had begun to hurt himself again, he's become an expert at coverinh his tracks.  
No one but Aston knows he's self-harming again...

Aaron tried to eat, but he was told his appitite may take a few days to come back properly.  
He'd taken a few folkfulls, but he didnt want anymore, he'd taken yhe last of his medication for the day, Robert had gone home to freshen up, but would ne back later, Joe had made arrangements with the hospital board and hospital manager, for Robert to be around at night for Aaron.  
Joe belived you should do whatever nessasary for a patient to make their stay bareable. For Aaron, that was Robert.  
Robert made Aaron feel safe, and at this time, thats exactly what Aaron needs, to be and feel safe.

Aaron was drawing when Robert got back to the hospital, he was drawing Liv, his Mum, and Robert in one sketch.  
Aaron didn't seem to hear that Robery was back, he was in his own world.  
Robert took a couple photos of Aaron and his sketch, and sent them to Liv.

R. Hey Liv, I'm sending a couple photos, we have our very own Picasso xx  
L. What you on about? Xx  
Robert sent the photos and waited for a reply...

L.OMG Robert!!, he's bloody brilliant xx  
R. I know, seems to relax him in this place xx  
L. How is he Robert? And please dont lie to me xx  
R. Hes struggling Liv, but he's started to talk about what happened to him, its not easy for him, but he's doing it, a bit at a time xx  
L. Tell him I'm proud of him, and that I love him please Rob xx  
R.I will, he's so proud of you Liv, and he loves you to xx  
L.Thanks, I've got to get back tou books, text you tomorrow, love you Rob xx  
R. Love you to Liv xx

"Robert, how long have you been here" asks Aaron  
" A while, didn't want to disturb your drawing, its really good Aaron" replies Robert  
"Thanks"   
"How you feeling Aaron, after speaking with Joe?" Asks Robert  
" Can we not talk about it please? I dont wa.... I ca..... please dont ask me how I'm feeling, I dont know" cries Aaron  
"Hey, its ok, just remember you can talk to me too, I love you" replied Robert  
"I know, love you too, but I cant tell you what he did to me, if I do you won't wa........ you wont want me anymore, he hurt me Robert, he kept hurting me, if I tell you, you will leave" sobs Aaron  
"When you told me about your Dad, I didn't go anywhere, I promise I'm not going anywhere, you can talk to me about anything Aaron" replied Robert  
" I dont want to scare you away, and I can....... I can't do this without you Robert" cries Aaron.  
" Its ok Aaron, you tell me if and when your ready.  
"I love you so much Robert, Thankyou for standing by me" replies Aaron  
"Always Aaron, I'm going nowhere" replies Robert.


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Description of violence  
> Description of Rape  
> Description of panic attack.  
> In case I've not explained it properly the trigger for Aarons past memory of Alex, is shower gel. Hope it makes sense.

CHAPTER 23  
It was 2am, Robert was sleeping soundly next to Aaron, Aaron couldn't sleep, he had so much stuff going on in his head, he wanted so badly to tell Robert everything, but he was still scared, despite Robert reasurances that he was going nowhere.  
"Why do you stay with me?" Whispers Aaron to a sleeping Robert.

It was 7am, Aaron was sat by his window looking out into the distance.  
Robert was stirring, as his eyes adjusted to the daylight, Robert relised Aaron wasn't by his side, he was about to go and look for him, when he saw him by the window, Robert knew Aaron neede time by himself, so he left him a little note on his pillow, and slipped out the door unnoticed by Aaron.  
Aaron noticed the note on his pillow.  
Dear Aaron,  
You looked like you needed some time to yourself, I've just popped home to change. I will be back soon.  
And to answer your question, because I love you  
Love you  
Always  
Robert  
xxx  
X  
After he read it, Aaron smiled, Robert had heard him ask "why do you stay with me?" 

Aaron was having a shower, when a memory he thought he had buried began to resurface....

.... Aaron had finished work, when he got home, Alex was in a bad mood, he had been for a few days, Aaron went to get a shower, he knew not to lock the door as it made Alex angry, as he undressed, he looked at his bruised body, wondering how he got to this point?

PAST MEMORY  
As he began to wash himself, Aaron knew Alex was watching him, before he knew it, Alex had joined him in the shower, and for Aaron that meant one thing, he couldn't escape...

"Hey baby, I'm going to fuck you"  
"Please Alex, I dont want to"  
"You dont have a choice"   
Alex pinned Aaron up against the shower wall, whispering what he was going to him, Aaron was scared, he couldn't get away.  
Aaron tried to protect himself, but it was no use, then Alex began to get rough, Alex was a big man, all muscle, his hands were all over Aaron, Alex tried to get Aaron hard, but when he didn't succeed, he turned violent.  
He punch Aaron in the stomach, then in the face, while shouting at him.  
Before he knew it, Alex had dragged out of the shower, he kept trying to get Aaron hard, then Alex snapped, he threw Aaron to the floor, and told him what he was going to do to him.  
"Im going to fuck you hard"  
"Alex, please don't do this, I dont want to, please let me go" pleads Aaron  
As much as he tried to escape, Aaron couldn't  
Alex thrusts himself inside Aaron, which makes Aaron cry out in pain.  
"Alex please stop! Your hurting me!!"  
Nothing Aaron said made Alex stop, it just made him thrust deeper inside Aaron, causing him more pain.  
"Alex please! Please stop!" Screams Aaron  
The pain was starting to make Aaron feel sick and lightheaded, despite Aarons pleads, Alex would not stop, Aaron just wanted it to be over....

PRESENT DAY   
Aaron felt sick, and was beginning to have a panic attack, he managed to reach the bathroom door, and grap his hoodie, his breathing was becoming difficult, and his chest was hurting, his head was fuzzy, the walls felt like they were closing in around him, Aaron collapses to the floor.  
He takes a deep breath in.... then out, he keeps repeating the motion until his breathing is back to normality, then the tears started, after a panic attack Aaron always felt emotionally exhausted, which always shows its self as tears.  
Suddenly Aaron knew why that memory came to him.  
It was a bottle of shower gel that was the trigger, the same shower gel that was left behind at The Mill the evening Alex raped him.  
Alex had walked into the shower while Aaron was using the shower gel.  
The same shower gel Aaron was using when the memory came back.

Aaron wished his memory's would disappear, but he knew even if they did, it wouldn't change the fact that he had been repeatedly raped by a man who had told him, he loved him.  
Aaron wondered if it was punishment because he couldn't tell Alex he loved him, he had liked him, but it wasn't love, Aaron had only ever loved two people, Jackson his first love, and Robert.  
Thinking about Jackson brought fresh tears to Aarons eyes.  
Aaron atarts to sketch a picture of himself and Jackson, before the accident.


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Description of self-harm  
> Nightmares

CHAPTER 24  
Robert was back at The Mill, he'd freshened up, he was about to leave, when a photograph of Aaron caught his eye.  
Aaron was smiling, his beautiful blue eyes were to. He looked so happy.  
Robert worried the the Aaron in the photo was lost forever, Aaron hadn't laughed or smiled (not properly) in months.  
Robert felt li ke he was loosing Aaron all over again, and had no idea how to get him back.

Aaron was on a sketching frenzy, he'd drawn himself and Jackson, Chas, Liv, Robert and Clyde, all these years and he still remembered his dog. He remembers the day he had to say goodbye to Clyde, it was 23rd September 2010, Paddy, the man Aaron wished he was his Dad, had tried to save Clyde, but couldn't, Aaron had cried many tears that night.  
Even now, thinking about Clyde brought tears to his eyes.  
Aaron hoped Robert would soon be back, Aaron needed his husband.

Robert left The Mill, still thinking of the photo of Aaron, happy, healthy and smiling, he wanted happy, healthy Aaron back, if he could, he would take away all Aarons pain, his nightmares, evry bad memory, he wanted to believe the old Aaron was still there.

Aaron had tried hard not to hurt himself, but he couldn't fight it anymore, as much as he wanted to get better, and go home, he was so tired of fighting, he needed a release, he'd started hurting himself a few days adter his stitches had been removed.  
No one knew, except him, Aaron had been careful.

As he took a piece of glass (which he got from his torch that Robert had given him) he kept repeating the same two words over and over again " I'm sorry"  
As the glass pieced the skin of Aarons stomach, he suddenly felt calm, he watched as blood ran down his stomach, and onto his jogging bottoms.  
As he changed his trousers, he realised he would need a dressing for his cut, he didnt want anyone to know he was self-harming again, so he improvised.  
He took an old T-shirt he didn't mind riping up, he made a dressing by folding up a part of the T-shirt until it was thick enough to keep the blood from seeping through, he kept it in place by making a bandage to go around himself with what was left, he made sure it was tight enough, then put his T-shirt and hoodie back on, he was sore, but he didn't care, it reminded him he was alive, even though he felt dead inside.

Robert made his way back to Aaron, he'd taken longer than he wanted to, as reaches Aarons room, the floor is covered in sketches, Aaron is curled up on his bed, tear falling into his pillow.  
" Hey" Robert says softly  
" Hi" Aaron replies barly a whisper  
" Whats wrong?"  
" I cant do this, I want to go home Robert, why wont they let me go home?"  
" Your ill Aaron, you need some extra help, you will get to go home soon, I promise" replies Robert  
" Can you ask my Dad to vist me please" asks Aaron  
Robert looks confused, Gordon was dead!  
"Aaron, he's dead remember?"  
"NOT HIM, HE WASN'T MY DAD! screams Aaron  
"I'm sorry Aaron, I didn't mean to upset you"  
"I want Paddy" sobs Aaron  
" Ok, I'll ask him, I'll ring him now"  
"Can I have a cuddle first please" pleads Aaron  
Robert pulls Aaron into his arms, Aaron stats to sob and clings on to Robert.  
Aarons cut is hurting him, but he doesn't care, he was in Roberts arms and he didn't want to ever leave them.

Robert left Aaron sleeping, he called Paddy.  
" Whats wrong with Aaron?"  
"Hi Paddy, its ok, he wants to see you"  
"I'll come by tomorrow about 11am"  
"I'll tell Aaron when he wakes up"  
"Robert, hows he doing in there?"  
"Some days are better than others, he just wants to go home, he doesn't like it here"  
"I'll be there tomorrow at 11am, and i have a picture from Leo"  
"I'll tell him Paddy, I'm going to get back to Aaron, bye for now"  
"Bye Robert"

Aaron was still sleeping when Robert went back to Aarons room, Robert was looking through all the sketches Aaron had done, he saw the one of Aaron and Jackson, hey looked happy, Robert wondered if Aaron had drew it from a memory of a photo, then he noticed the one of himself and Aaron, a picture of happiness. It made Robert sad, he'd give anything to see Aaron happy again.  
Aaron began to stir, but he didnt wake up.  
Robert sat down on the bed with Aaron and wathed him closely, it wasn't long, and Robert was needed.

"No, please, dont, please dont hurt me"  
Robert tried to wake Aaron, without scaring him even more.  
" Aaron, wake up for me, you need to wake up"  
Aaron didnt seem to hear Robert  
" Please dont" cried Aaron  
Suddenly Aaron sceamed out  
"No! Please dont!"  
"Aaron, please wake up" said Robert with his voice raised  
" I dont wa....No please..... why? I dont want to, please dont hu...... NO!!" Screams Aaron waking himself up.  
"Rober.....?Robert?"  
"I'm here, deep breaths in for me....... and out, ok?" Asks Robert  
"Mmm" was all Aaron could say, tears cascading down his cheeks.  
Robert goes to hug Aaron, but is taken back by his response.

" Please don't touch me" says Aaron, as his voice breaks into a sob  
" What can I do to help" asks Robert  
"Nothing" cries Aaron  
Robert didn't know what to do,the one thing he used to do was make Aarin feel safe in his arms, now he didn't want to be touched, was he really loosing Aaron all over again?...


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SELF HARM MENTIONS  
> JACKSON IS MENTIONED  
> BLOOD MENTION.  
> Its been brought to my attention that I'm boring some of you with my story, I would like to point out that I have put alot of time and research into these storys, and Im trying to be a realistic as possible, mental health is not an easy fix, mental trauma is not something you click your fingers at and its gone, the same for physical trama and violence. There was going to be a part 3, which would of been the trail and the aftermath, bit Im not sure if I will continue after I've finished part 2. I welcome all your comments, but I do take offence to people saying their bored, and just make him better, sorry it doesn't work like that's. Some of this story is based on my own struggles, so I do take some comments personally. Thank you for reading. And apologies to all those I bore.

CHAPTER 25  
Robert knew something was wrong, he needed Aaron to talk to him.

"Aaron, please talk to me"  
"I'm o.....I'm ok" replied Aaron  
" Your not though, are you?" Replied Robert  
"No, I'm not" whispers Aaron  
"Please talk to me" begs Robert  
"I can't, you wont want me anymore" cries Aaron  
" I'll never, not want you Aaron, its me and you forever" replies Robert  
" I'm sorry, I don't mean to be like this, I just, I don't know anymore, I can't think" sobs Aaron  
" I'm here, always, you just need to talk to me" replies Robert  
"I know" whispers Aaron, please don't hate me.  
" I could never hate you Aaron" replies Robert.  
" Please don't be mad at me" sobs Aaron.  
" Aaron, whats wrong?" Asks a concerned Robert.

Aaron knew he needed help, he couldn't keep it to himself, Aaron pulled up his hoodie and T-shirt, to expose his stomach .  
"I'm sorry Robert, I tried not to do it, but I just neede a release, I'm sorry" cried Aaron  
" Hey, its ok, don't cry, I'm going to help you ok?" Replies Robert in a gental voice (his Aaron voice)  
" Ok, please don't leave me Robert"  
" Never, I love you Aaron" replied Robert  
" Need to get that cleaned up and a proper dressing on it, I'll find a Dr" replies Robert  
" Do you have to tell them?" Asks Aaron  
" Yes I do, don't worry, its going to be ok" replies Robert  
" ok" whispers Aaron.

Robert found Dr Edwards and explained what had happened, Dr Edwards grabs the supplies needed and makes his way to Aaron.  
"Hi Aaron"  
"Hi"  
"Can I look at your stomach please?, I need to treat you, is that ok?" Asks Dr Edwards  
" Yeah"  
Dr Edwards cleans and dresses Aarons wounds, then asks Aaron what he used to hurt himself  
" What did you use Aaron, to do this"  
" Piece of glass" whispers Aaron  
" Do you still have it?"  
"Yes" replies Aaron, removing the glass from his pocket.  
" I'm going to need you to give that to me, is that ok?"  
"Ok" replies Aaron, handing the glass to Dr Edwards  
"Do you have anymore Aaron?"  
"Jist.this bit" says Aaron removing the other half from under his pillow, still stained with his dry blood  
"Aaron, I'm going to have to search you room ok?, I need to make sure there is nothing here you can hurt yourself with ok" replies Dr Edwards  
"Ok, I'm sorry" whispers Aaron, tears rolling down his cheeks.  
" Its ok, I'm going to get Joe to come and see you ok?" Replies Dr Edwards  
"ok" whispers Aaron  
" Robert, can I talk to you outside please" asks Dr Edwards  
" Sure, Aaron I'll be outside, I'll be back soon ok?"  
" You will be back though" asks Aaron  
"Of course I will, promise" replies Robert

Robert and Dr Edwards step outside Aarons room.  
" Robert, I'm going to put Aaron on suicide watch, it seems he's been self-harming since his stitches were removed, there are cuts that are healing, and I can see he has a history of self- harm and suicide, I just want to be safe than sorry"  
" Thanks Dr, don't know what id do if I lost Aaron to be honest"  
" We will help him Robert"  
"I know"  
Robert and Aaron sat on his bed, as his room was searched, Robert could see the tears in Aarons eyes, ready to fall, he took a chance, and took Aarons hand in his, Aaron didn't react, he just held Roberts hand tight.  
" Please hold me Robert" cries Aaron  
" Come here, we're going to get through this ok?" Replies Robert  
Aaron held on to Robert, tears flowing.

" I'm sorry about earlier, I wanted you to hug me, bu.....but I could feel him on me, I'm sorry" cries Aaron  
" Oh Aaron, I wish I could take your pain away"  
" I know, just stay with me, I wouldn't of got this far without you Robert"  
"We'll get you better, then you can come home ok?"  
" Yeah, I just want to go home" cries Aaron  
"Paddys coming to see you tomorrow"  
"What time?"  
"Around 11"  
" Robert, can you do me a favour?, I need you to vist Jacksons grave, I know its stupid because he's dead, but tell him I'm ok, and I'll vist him soon" asks Aaron  
" Its not stupid Aaron, and of course I'll vist him for you" replies Robert  
" Thanks" whispers Aaron.

Joe had heard what had happened with Aaron, as was asked to come and see him, Joe was very concerned, yes Aaron was talking, but he still seemed to be punishing himself.

"Hi Aaron, how are you feeling?" Asks Joe  
" Hi, I dont know"  
" What are you thinking Aaron"  
" You dont want to know, trust me"  
"I do Aaron, I want to understand how your feeling, so I can help you"

Joe could see the pain etched on Aarons face, for a young man, who should be full of life, he looked haunted. Joe could see Aaron trying to stop himself from crying.  
"Aaron, its ok to cry, just let it out"  
"I've cried so much, I think if I start again, I don't think I will stop"  
"Do you feel like talking about you hurting yourself?"  
"No, can we not please, not today"  
"Aaron, I cant help you, if you dont talk to me"  
"I know, but you have no idea how hard this is for me, I'm sorry" cries Aaron  
" I know Aaron, but you need to try"  
" I dont want to, if I do, its means everyone will know, I dont want people to know what he did to me, it was bad enough the first time with Gor..... with Gor..... Gordon" sobs Aaron  
"Did your self-harm start with him?"  
"No, it was Jackson dying"  
" Do you want to tell me about it?"  
"I wanted to make it all stop, I just wanted to go back to how it was before he died, I needed a release, and I found it, I can't explain it, but it just helps, when I started after Jackson died, it started off as me wanting to punish myself, until I relised I helped Jackson because I could see how unhappy he was, even thougj I loved him, it wasn't enough to make him stay with me, I had to set him free, however much it hurt, and then when he was gone, I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, I just wanted him back" cries Aaron  
" Did you talk to anyone about how you felt?"  
" No, everyone thought what I did was wrong, so I couldn't talk to anyone" sobs Aaron  
" What about your Mum?"  
" I did, but we didn't have a great relationship back then, not like we do now"  
" What about Paddy, could you not if talked to him?"  
" I was 18, he had a new baby, he had enough to deal with, I didn't want to bother him, I didn't want to bother anyone"  
" So you were dealing with everything on your own?" Asks Joe  
" Yeah, Can we stop now please?, I dont want to talk about it anymore"  
" Ok, we'll come back to it when your ready"  
" Can I stop talking about stuff now? I've had enough now"  
" I'll be back tomorrow ok? Your doing well Aaron"  
" Thanks" whispers Aaron

Aaron was left alone in his roon ( nothing more was found in the search), Aaron sits on his bed, he can feel his tears roll down his cheeks, he pulls his knees up, under his chin, and hugs himself, he can feel pain from his stomach wounds, but he doesn't care, he just wants Robert to come back.

Robert had just finished on the phone to Chas, she wanted to vist Aaron, but he didn't want to see her, until he was better.  
Robert made his way back to Aaron, he could see him through the window on his bed, he could see Aaron was upset.

" Aaron, rough session?"  
" Yeah, he wanted to talk about when I started hurting myself, and why" whispers Aaron  
" Did you tell him"  
" Yeah I did" cries Aaron  
" Thats good Aaron"  
"No, its not, its opened everything back up again, I thought id delt with those memorys, now there all back again" cries Aaron  
" I'm sorry Aaron, what can I do to help you?" Asks Robert  
" Hold me please" cries Aaron  
Robert takes Aaron in his arms, Aaron melts into Roberts arms, and quietly sobs, Robert holds him that little bit tighter.


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mention of nightmares, Gordon, Alex and Jackson feature.  
> Mention of panic attack  
> Mention of Self-harm  
> Aaron is in a dark place.  
> 

CHAPTER 26  
It was early morning, Aaron wasn't sure of the time, but he was wide awake.  
Robert was sleeping soundly.  
Aaron was in a dark place, he wanted t o wake Robert, but he didn't want to come across as needy.

Robert would never call Aaron needy, to him, Aaron was and is the strongest and bravest man he knew.

Aaron needed Robert, because if he didn't wake him, he was going to hurt himself.  
" Robert" Aaron calls  
" Robert, I need you to wake up, I need you" cries Aaron  
"I'm here Aaron, whats wrong?"  
" My dark place, I want to hurt myself, can you just hold me please?" Sobs Aaron  
" Its ok Aaron, I'm here"  
Aaron falls into Robert arms and crys, and keeps repeating "I'm sorry" over and over again.

"Hey, its going to be ok, I love you Aaron, nothing will change that ok?" Replied Robert.  
Aaron didnt answer, he was to comsumed by emotion, tears streaming and staining his cheeks as they fell.

Aaron manages a couple hours sleep, before the nightmares begin again. This time though, Robert has trouble waking Aaron up....

...... All Robert heard was Aaron scream, tears stream down his face, he's shaking and hes sweating, all while he's asleep.  
Aaron starts to scream  
"NO DADDY! Please dont!"  
"Aaron, wake up!"  
"Daddy NO!" Screams Aaron  
Then sometging happens, that has never happened before, Aarons nightmare begins to change, its not just Gordon, its Alex and Jackson as well!  
Aaron starts to shake, still asleep, tears stream down his face.  
"Alex NO!, please.....w.......why?"  
Robert shakes Aaron to wake him up, but nothing happens, Robert begins to worry.  
"JACKSON!" Screams Aaron  
Robert grabs Aaron in a bear hug, and whispers in his ear.  
"Aaron, its Robert, please wake up"  
Robert notices that Aaron recognises his voice.  
"Aaron open those beautiful blue eyes"  
"NO! Please dont" begs Aaron  
"Aaron, wake up for me please" Robert whispers in Aarons ear  
" Robert!" Cries Aaron  
" I'm here, its ok"  
" I..... they........all....." sobs Aaron  
" Your safe Aaron, I know it was bad, but I'm here, I wont let you go, I promise" reasures Robert  
Robert pulls Aaron into his arms, Aaron just melts into Robert and sobs.  
" They were all the.....there, I couldn't get away, Gor..... Gor....... he was there, and Al......Al....... him, and Jackson, Jackson so much bl........ bl......" sobs Aaron  
"Shhhh, its ok Aaron, just hold on to me, I'm not going anywhere"  
Robert felt Aaron hold on tighter, he hated that Aart on had to indure so much pain and suffering.  
" Please don't let me go" whispers Aaron  
" I wont, I promise" replies Robert  
Aaron stayed in Roberts arms for what seemed like hours, he only broke away, when he needed the bathroom.  
In the bathroom, Aaron could still feel tears roll down his cheeks, he feels scared, hes in emotional pain and he wants it to stop.  
He lifts his hoodie up, he starts to uncover his wound, he picks at it, until it bleeds, its hurts, but he doesn't care, he feels calm, he covers his wound back up, and lets out a loud sob, he didn't even know he was holding in, he slides down the wall of the bathroom, bringing his knees up to his chin, burys his face in his arms and just crys.

Robert awoke and realises Aaron isnt beside him, but then he hears his crys.  
"Aaron, are you ok?"  
" I'm fine"  
" Your not though, are you?, let me in"  
" Its open"  
" Aaron, what are you doing in the floor?"  
" Don't know" whispers Aaron  
" Why dont you sit on the bed, its more comfortable" replies Robert  
"Ok" replies Aaron  
Robert notices as Aaron got up, he seemed to wince in pain, had he knocked his wound?  
"Aaron, are you ok?"  
"I'm fine" replies Aaron barely a whisper.  
"Aaron, I can tell from your face, your in pain aren't you?"  
"Its nothing, please just leave it"  
"Have you hurt yourself Aaron?"  
"No" whispers Aaron  
" You did, didn't you?, Aaron, its ok, just talk to me"  
" Its was really bad Robert, they were all there, Jackson was hurt, and the blood, then they were there, they hurt me, they ra...... they raped m......., I wanted to feel something diffrent, a diffrent hurt, I'm sorry" cries Aaron  
" Its ok, show me Aaron"  
Aaron lifts his hoodie up, the bandage covered in blood, the dressing needed changing.  
" I need to get somone to help ok?, I'll be back, I promise"  
" I'm sorry Robert" cries Aaron  
" Hey, I love you, it will get better in time"  
Robert found the Dr, he explained the situation, she said she would get the supplies needed and a nurse called Jackie would be right there to help Aaron.  
The Dr informed Robert that it was highly unlikely that Aaron would be able to go home after his 28 days was up, she explained she had patients to check on, but they would talk more in the morning.  
" Hey I'm back, nurse Jackie is on her way ok?"  
"Ok" whispers Aaron

"Hi Aaron, I'm Jackie,.I've come to change those dressings, is that ok?"  
"Yeah, ok" replies Aaron

Aaron is still uncomfortable with people seeing his stomach, Robert can see t he silent tears roll down Aaron cheeks everytime nurse Jackie touches him to clean his wounds.  
" Its ok Aaron, I'm here" whispers Robert  
" I know" whispers Aaron back.  
" All done Aaron, will need looking at again in the morning, I'll make some notes on your chart" says Jackie.  
"Thanks" replies Aaron  
" your welcome, take care" replies Jackie.

"Robert, please hole me" sobs Aaron  
" Come here, your safe" replies Robert

It was true,.Aaron always felt safe in the arms of his husband Robert, Robert knew hed have to tell Aaron that after 28 days, it was unlikely he would be going home, he just didnt know how to tell him. For now all that was important was that Aaron felt safe.


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Vulnerable Aaron.  
> Emotional Aaron.  
> slightly confused Aaron.

CHAPTER 27  
Paddy was due to vist, but Robert needed to speak to him first.  
Aaround 10.50am, Robert went and waited for Paddy to arrive.  
At 10.55am Paddy arrives at the hospital, Robert waiting by the entrance.  
"Hey Paddy, need to talk to you before you go in"  
"Whats wrong?"  
" Aarons not great today, he had a nightmare lastnight and it was a really bad one, Jackson, Gordon and Alex all featured in it, it was that bad I couldn't get Aaron to wake up like I usually can"  
"I need to see him" answered Paddy  
" Paddy, the Aaron you know, he's not there anymore" replies Robert sadley  
" But we will get him back?" Asks Paddy  
" I honestly don't know, even the Drs dont know.  
" Poor Aaron, can I see him now please" asks Paddy  
" Down the corridor on he left, first door, sign in first though" replies Robert  
" You coming?" Asks Paddy  
" Give me a minute yeah?" Replies Robert.

Paddy makes his was down to Aaron, while Robert takes a minute to himself.  
Robert knows its going to be a long road to recovery for Aaron, there is no quick fix.  
As Roberts emotions get the better of him, he sends Liv a text.  
R. Hey trouble, just checking in, Aarons having a bad day today, but he's with Paddy now. Maybe a letter from his little sister will cheer him up? xx  
L. Me trouble? Never!! Lol. Tell Aaron I love him, and I write to him soon. Look after him for me Rob xx  
R. Always xx

Paddy knocks and walks into Aarons room.  
"Aaron" says Paddy  
"Paddy!"  
Aaron rushes up to Paddy, and hugs him, Paddy can hear Aarons sobs, but doesn't say anything, he just cuddles him, just like he did the evening of Jacksons accident.

Robert had been gone 10 minutes, he came back to Aaron and Paddy hugging.

"He won't let go" whispers Paddy, when he notices Robert  
" Has he said anything?" Asks Robert  
" Just my name when I arrived"  
" Aaron, its Robert"  
"My Robert?"  
" Yes Aaron"  
Aaron lets go of Paddy and goes to Robert, he whispers while tears fall,  
" Robert, I need a hug please"  
Robert takes Aaron in his arms, Aaron holds on tight, as Robert guides him to his bed so hes comfortable, Aaron soon falls asleep, so Paddy and Robert have a chat.  
"Sorry Paddy, today really is a bad day for him" says Robeet sadly  
"Wish I could take it all away" replies Paddy  
" I think we all would" replies Robert  
" Paddy, can you tell Chas, Aarons having a bad day today, but tell her, he's seeing Joe later, thats his counsellor, tell her I'll ring her in a couple of days"  
"Course I will, I know we have our issues Robert, but I'm glad he has you with him"  
" I appreciate that Paddy, id do anything for Aaron, we will get him back, we have to" replied Robert


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Vulnerable Aaron  
> 

CHAPTER 28

After Paddy left, Robert watches Aaron sleep, he sees him twitch, and hopes its not another nightmare.  
Then he hears Aaron call his name.  
"Robert"  
"I'm here"  
"Has Paddy gone?"  
"Yeah, he said he'll come back whenever you want him to"  
"Ok, can it just be us for now?"  
"I'm not going anywhere Aaron"  
"Good, I like you being here with me"  
"I like being with you to Aaron"  
"I do love you Robert"  
"I know, I love you to"

Aaron had thought alot about Clyde since he was admitted to hospital, he missed him and he missed having a dog. 

"Robert, when I'm allowed home, can we maybe get a dog?"  
"What type would you like, if we do?" Asks Robert  
"German shepard, just like my Clyde" Aaron smiles  
Robert sees Aarons smile, something he misses greatly, he'd give anything to see more of that beautiful smile of Aarons.

Robert knew he would have to tell Aaron he couldn't go home after his 28 days was up. First he had to wait for the Dr to come and talk to him.

Dr Edwards was due to come and talk to Aaron and Robert regarding Aarons stay.  
The Dr oncall from the previous evening had made her recommendations, and Dr Edwards had to agree. In his medical opinion, Aaron was not ready to go home.

Dr Edwards wasn't looking forward to this poo art if his job, telling Aaron he wouldn't be going home for at least another month.

"Hi Aaron"  
"Hi Dr"  
"I need to talk to you, and its important you listen to what I'm saying, is that ok?"

Aaron knew what he was going to say, he knew he wasn't going home anytime soon.  
"Your not letting me go home are you?"  
"No Aaron, I'm not, I'm sorry"  
"Its because I hurt myself isnt it?" Aaron cries  
"Your not ready, but you will be, once we have got the self-harm managed, you will be a step closer to goung home"  
"I try so hard, I fight everyday not to do it, but sometimes its just to much, I'm weak, I'm sorry" cries Aaron  
"Aaron you are not weak, you are ill, never think your weak" replies Dr Edwards  
"Do you think I will ever be me again Dr?"  
"I can't promise you will be, but what I can promise you Aaron, is we will do our very best for you"  
"Thanks" whispers Aaron.  
Dr Edwards left Aaron and Robert alone, he'd be back later in the day.

"Aaron, you ok?" Asks Robert  
"Did you know" asks Aaron  
"Yes, I didn't know how to tell you, I'm sorry"  
"I want to go home Robert, I'm trying so hard to get better, and its not enough, I'm really trying Robert, I'm sorry" cries Aaron  
"Aaron we'll get there, hew ever long it takes. I'm here, I'm not leaving you"  
"Thanks, I'll try harder, I promise"  
"Aaron your ill, please dont put so much pressure on yourself, you'll get better, and then we can go home"  
"Ok" whispers Aaron


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Vulnerable Aaron  
> Aaron starts to talk about Alex with Robert

CHAPTER 29  
Robert had noticed the last few days Aaron had been quieter than usual, since being told he couldn't go home after his 28 days were up.

"You ok Aaron?" Asks Robert  
"Not yet, but I hope I will be"  
"You know you can talk to me, dont you Aaron?"  
"I wish I found it easier to talk about stuff, its never been easy for me, I'm sorry"  
"If you need to talk Aaron, I'll always listen, your never alone, not anymore"

Aaron feels his defences start to fall, he wants to tell Robert everything that happened with Alex, but he doesn't want Robert to look at him like a victim, he doesn't want Robert to look or see him diffrently.

"I wish I never met him Robert, why did I say yes to a date? My Mum told me over and over again to forget you, I never wanted to forget you, but after you told me you were happy for me, I thought I'd lost you, I thought you didnt love me anymore, I just wanted everyone to leave me alone, stop telling me what I should and shouldn't do, I just wanted everyone to shut up, so I said yes to Al.... Al...... Alex, I didn't know he was like that, I should of listened to Cain, he knew. Why didn't I listen to myself" cries Aaron  
"Your not to blame for his actions Aaron, its not your fault" replies Robert  
"You know the first time he hit me, I heard Gor...... Gor..... Gordon in my head, telling me I deserved it, then he was shouting at me while he beat me, just like Gor..... Gord..... Gordon!"  
"Its ok Aaron, your safe, they cant hurt you" replies Robert  
"But they do Robert, every nightmare, its like I'm there again, getting hurt, they wont leave my head, I dont kniw what to do Robert, eveyone wants me to talk about it, but talking makes it worse, my nightmares get worse each time I talk Aaron cries, you know I used to wish you'd come and save me Robert, eveytime I saw you I just wanted you to hold me, tell me I was safe, I wanted to tell you eveything, but I was so scared he'd hurt you, and I was ashamed" sobs Aaron  
"Oh Aaron, I wish you did tell me, and I would of held you for as long as you wanred me to, I always will" replied Robert  
"Can you hold me now Robert? Please?" Sobs Aaron  
"Always Aaron"  
Robert and Aaron embrace each other.  
"Please dont let me go" asks Aaron  
"Never" Robert whispers in Aarons ear.  
"I'm seeing Joe later, can you come with me?"  
"If thats what you want, of course I will" replied Robert  
"I want you with me Robert"  
"Then I will be Aaron"


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mentions of self-harm  
> Jackson mentions  
> Scared Aaron  
> Mention of vomit

CHAPTER 30

Joe was due at 2pm, so Robert weny back to The Mill to freshen up, Aaron spent his time sketching.  
By the time Joe arrived, Robert still wasn't back.  
Aaron refuaed to start the session without him.  
"I'm not starting wihout Robert"  
"Aaron I can wait five minutes, but then we will have to begin, I've got other patients to see"replies Joe  
"I know, I'm sorry"  
"Last time we spoke, you were talking about Jackson and how you coped on your own"  
"After he died, I was a mess, I already told you thats when I started hurting myself, nobody I could talk to, I was on my own, what I did for Jackson, I did because I loved him, he was so sad, he'd lost his spark that made him my Jackson, and I tried to get him back, but he was gone, I'd lost him. After everything happened, him dying, the court case, me hurting myself, I helped the man I loved to die because it was yhe right thing to do, if I had to do it again, I'd do it in a heartbeat" Aaron says with tears rolling down his cheeks.  
"Do you fell guilty still? I know you said you stopped punishing yourself, but do you still feel guilty?" Asks Joe  
"Yeah I do" cries Aaron, Robert said he would be here, I hope nothings happened to him"  
"Tell me about Robert" asks Joe  
"It started as a one off, he called me out yo look at his car, he said it broke down, but it hadn't, I told him I didn't like being messed around, then he kissed me, then he got scared and drove off, didn't think he'd bother with me again, that evening I had an errand to run at the garage, and then there he was again, one thing lead to another and we, well you get the idea, I never meant to carry on, he was getting married. I should of walked away, but I couldn't, you know the day of his wedding, I told him I loved him, and I realky did love him, I fell f or him hard, but he chose Chrissie, they got married, and I felt like my heart had broke, it hurt, he hurt me and I wanted the pain to stop. I started running, but I took it to the extreme, I wasn't eating properly, one run I ended up breaking my leg, I cracked my head on a rock and I couldn't move, I was alone in the wooda, I spent the night where I fell, then I heard Robert, along with my Mum. Robert covered me with his coat to keep me warm. Despite everything, Robert always made me feel safe, I felt safe lying yhere on the ground, because he was there, no matter what has happened in my life since Robert came into it, he makes things better for me, yeah I'm here and I'm hurting myself again, but he's here with me because he loves me, I dont think, in fact I know I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for Robert, he saved me...... again, I just want to get better so I can be normal again. Sorry if I don't make sence"  
"Its ok Aaron, it seems you two are meant to be" replies Joe  
"I hope so, I can't loose him again"  
"I don't believe Roberts going anywhere Aaron, its obvious he loves you"  
"I love him so much Joe"  
"I can tell, you have to talk to him about what happened though, properly, he needs to know everyting"  
"I can't Joe, I can't" cries Aaron  
"What do you think will happen if you told him"asks Joe  
"He'll look at me diffrently, he'll leave me alone again, I cant bare to loose him, or for him to look at me diffrently, I can't Joe"  
"Aaron, he loves you, he just wants you well"  
"What...... what if I can't?, what if I'm like this forever?" Cries Aaron  
"How ever long it takes Aaron, we will get you better"  
"You can't say that Joe, you dont know"  
"Aaron I promise you, we will get you well"  
"Please don't promise me that, I feel like I'm slipping away, I can't remember the last time I felt like me, and I don't know if I will again" Aaron sobs  
"It's going to be a long road, but we will get there Aaron...... let's go back to Jackson, you answered that you still feel guilty, why do you feel like that? You did what he asked you to"  
"His Dad hates me, they didn't have the best relationship because Jackson was gay, after the accident, he yold me he wished it was me lying in a coma, he didn't like me one bit. After Jackson died it got worse, I understand he was hurting, I'd taken his son away from him, I missed Jacksons funeral because I was being questioned about his death, Jackson had made a DVD to be played at his service, he explained how he felt, and why we did what we did, but it just made his Dad more angry, he was determined to see me go down for murder and when I was found not guilty, he told me to my face that he wished I was dead, that was the last time I saw him, but I don't blame him, I'm the one that cauaed his pain, he's suffering because of me, but then I think Jackson was suffering to, he was so sad, he wasn't my Jackson anymore, and I loved him to much, to watch him suffer anymore, I know I made the right decision, I just wish he taljed to his Dad" cries Aaron  
"You were brave Aaron, not many people would do what you did" replied Joe  
"I loved him, I just wanted him to be happy again, I hope he is now, wherever he is" smiles Aaron  
"Do you miss him?" asks Joe  
"Yeah, I do, is that wrong?" Cries Aaron  
"No its not wrong Aaron, I'm guessing you think its wrong becauae of Robert?"  
"The last thing Jackson said before he died was he wanted me to be happy and to love again, which I was for a bit and then Al..... Alex happened, I never stopped loving Robert though. Jackson also asked me not to forget him, I'll never forget Jackson, he had no idea how much he helped me when I was struggling wit h who I was, even after I hit him, he was there, he was my friend, who became my boyfriend, and I did love him" cries Aaron  
"Do you still love him?" Asks Joe  
"Yeah, I do, not like I love Robert though, Robert said to me once that he knows there is a piece of my heart he will never have because it will always belong to Jacksin, and its true, he will always have that but if me"  
"Do you feel guilty because you still loce Jackson, even though you love Robert?"  
"I should do, but I dont, I love Robert so much, I can't loose him again, then there's Jackson, I love him to, but its not like my love for Robert, I had to let Jackson go, but that doesn't mean I've forgotten him, I still vist him, talk to him, tell him abour stuff, but I moved on, like he wanted me to, I just wish I didn't keep having nightmares about the accident"  
"I think Jackson would be proud of you, you know. You did what he asked you to do, you found love again, yes there's been some huge bumps in the road, but you have Robert, you have each other, so Aaron olease talk to him, he's not going anywhere"  
"I know, I just can't, please don't force me, I'm not ready, I'm sorry" cries Aaron  
"I know its going to be difficult Aaron"  
"I'm scared" replies Aaron  
"I know, but you have your family, you have me to help, and Robert, he just wants to help you get better"  
"He should be here now, why isnt he here?, what if something has happened to him"  
"Aaron I'm sure he's fine, its properly traffic"  
"I hope so" replies Aaron

Aaron and Joe's session had come to an end and Robert still hadn't arrived.  
"Aaron next session, we will talk about Gordon, I know its difficult and I know you don't want to, but we have to start ok?"  
"Ok" whispers Aaron  
Aaron runs to the bathroom to throw up, when he thinks or talks about Alex or Gordon it makes him feel sick, or he actually is sick.  
"You ok Aaron?" Asks Joe  
"Yeah, jat somerimes I get sick when he's mentioned, and Al...... and him to"  
"Does this happen alot" asks Joe  
" Normally I feel sick, but sometimes I'm actually sick"  
" Ok, we will keep an eye on it, I will see you in two days, unless you need me before then, just tell the Dr and they will page me ok?:  
"Thanks Dr"


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Description of car accident.  
> Scared Aaron  
> RTA- Road Traffic Accident.

CHAPTER 31

Aaron was worried about Robert, he said he would be there for Joe's session, Aaron let his mind go away with itself, what is Robert had, had enough and wasn't coming back?, what if Aaron was alone now?.

Robert was on his way to the hospital when it happened, one minute he's driving along the road, and the next minute he's side swiped by a lorry jackknifing, it all happened so quickly he wasn't sure how it all happened.  
He was dazed and confused and blood was trickling down from somewhere.  
All he could think about though was Aaron, he'd promised to be there for his session with Joe, he tried to find his phone, but couldn't, his chest hurt due the seatbelt, his legs where fine and in working order as far as he could tell, but his head, that was causing considerable pain, his vision was blurred and he still didn't know where the blood was coming from.  
Then he heard sirens, then blackness...

Aaron was scared, he could feel something was wrong, he needed to call Robert, he asked to use the phone at the nurses station, because something didn't fell right, normally patient wouldn't be allowed to use the phone here, but everyone knew that Robert was a key component in getting Aaron well.  
Aaron dialled Roberts number, but it went straight to voicemail, Robert never diverted his calls straight to voicemail, Aaron calls his Mum.

"Hello, woolpack"  
"Mum, help me"  
"Aaron love, whats wrong?"  
"Roberts in trouble, I don't know what to do, he was coming to see Joe with me, but he's still not here, somethings wrong Mum, I can feel it" Aaron cries down the phone to his Mum.  
"We'll find him love, I promise, now try not to worry, I will ring you back when we find him OK? Love you"  
"Mum, I can't do this without him"  
"We'll find him love"  
As Chas put the phone down, it rang again, this time it was for Diane, but she was away with Doug.  
"Hello, Woolpack"  
"Hello can I speak to a Diane Sugden please"  
"I'm sorry she's away at the moment"  
"Is there anyway of getting hold of her, its about her step son Robert"  
"Robert my son in law, whats wrong?" Asks Chas concerned  
" I'm Dr Becker from Hotton General, your Son in law was involved in an RTA"  
"Is he ok?"  
"He's got cuts and bruises and a large cut to his head, he's unconscious at the moment"  
"I'll be there in 15 minutes.  
Chas replaces the reciever of the phone and shouts out to Cain.

"Cain we need to the hospital, its Robert"  
"Lets go" replies Cain 

Cain and Chas get to the hospital A&E department.

"I had a phone call to say my son in law was here"  
"Name"  
"Robert Sugden"  
"He's being treated, a Dr will be with you shortly"  
"Thankyou" replies Chas

Cain and Chas wait for news.

"You know Aaron rang me befor the hospital, he said he felt somerging was wrong because Robert hadn't arrived to go with him to councelling. Those two really are soulmates, they know when each other are in trouble, I hope Robert ok Cain, because if he's not, this will destroy whats left of our Aaron"  
"Its Robert Chas, he wont give up without a fight" replies Cain  
"I hope your right Cain" says Chas.


	32. Chapter 32

CHAPTER 32  
Cain and Chas where still waiting for a Dr to come and talk to them, the longer they waited, the more they worried.  
"Robert Sugden's family?"  
"Here" replies Chas  
"I'm Dr Becker I spoke to you earlier on the phone, Robert substained a nasty cut to his head, which we have stitched up, he also has cuts and bruises, his chest will be sore for a while because of the seatbelt, he's just come around, so he's groggy, but he should make a full recovery, he doesn't want to stay overnight, but strongly recommend he does due to the head injury he's received"  
"Is that why he was unconscious" asks Chas  
"Yes, the bang to the head as well as the blood loss"  
"Can we see him Dr"  
"Of course, this way"

"Robert, thank god"cries Chas  
"Aaron, I need to see Aaron, I promised him I'd be there and I'm not, he's going to think I've left him"  
"He called me, he was worries about you, he said he felt something was wrong, I told him we'd find you" replies Chas  
"Does he know I'm here?" Asks Robert  
"Not yet, but I have to tell him, he's worried about you" replies Chas  
"They want to keep me in for observation overnight, I can't leave Aaron on his own, not at night Chas"  
"I know, but you need to stay here, make sure your ok, need you well Robert, Aaron needs you well"  
"I promised id be there Chas" cried Robert  
"Hey, you didnt know this was going to happen Robert ok? Aaron will understand" replies Chas

Chas and Cain made their way to Aaron, the opposite side of the hospital.  
They went to the main desk and explained that they were not on the visting log for Aaron, but they had some news for him concerning his husband.

They made their way to Aarons room, but they stop, and look at him through the window of his door, he's frantically drawing, sketches of Aaron and Robert scatter around the bed.  
Chas knocks on the door, but Aaron doesn't reply.

"Aaron" she calls  
"Mum"  
"Its Robert love"  
Aaron looks at his Mum, his eyes brimming with tears.  
"He left me didn't he, he's not coming back?" Aaron says, tears staining his cheeks.  
"No love he hasn't left you, he had an accident on the way back to see you, he's in hospital love"  
"Please tell me he's ok Mum, I cant loose him" cries Aaron  
"Hes got cuts and bruises, and because of his seatbelt he'll be sore for a bit, he has a head injury which needed stitches, and he's staying overnight, but he's going to be fine love, he's more worried about you"  
"I need to see him" cries Aaron  
"You can't love, I'm sorry"  
"He's my husband, I have a right to see him, he'll think I don't care" cries Aaron  
"Chas, go to Robert and wait for a call" says Cain  
Chas knows how her brothers mind works, shes impressed he knows how to facetime, this is Cain after all. She makes her way back over to A&E

"You may not be able to see him in person, but you can talk to him" says Cain  
Cain made a facetime call to Chas's phone.

"This is for you Robert" replies Chas handing him her phone.  
"Hey handsome husband of mine"  
"Robert, you ok?"  
"I'am now, sorry I didnt make it for Joe"  
"I dont care about that now, just want you to be ok"  
"I'm fine Aaron, sore, but I'm ok"  
"I love you, I thought id lost you"  
"I love you too, I'm here Aaron, I'm not leaving you, I promise"  
"I will see you tomorrow then?"  
"You can count on it Aaron, just remember what we do if you have a bad night ok?"  
"Yeah" replies Aaron  
" Its going to be ok Aaron, your safe here, I love you Aaron, I'll see you tomorrow"  
"I love you to Robert" cries Aaron  
"Hey, no tears ok?, your stronger than you relise Aaron"  
"See you tomorrow Robert"  
"Bye Mr Sugden"  
"Bye Mr Dingle" replies Aaron  
Cain and Chas both smile to themselves at the last part of their conversation.

"Thanks for doing that Cain" says Aaron  
"No trouble, so how are you doing?" Asks Cain  
"Did you hear they are extending my stay here?"  
"Your Mum told me, and Roberts keeping us up to date"  
"I'm trying Cain, I really am, but its so hard" sobs Aaron  
"Aaron I can't even begin to understand what your going through, but we are all here to support you, we are so proud of you sunshine" replies Cain  
"I should of listened to you, actually I should of listened to myself"  
"You weren't to know he was like that Aaron, not even I knew he was like that, I just had a bad feeling about him"  
"I wish I never met him" cries Aaron  
"I know, we'll get you through this I promise"  
"Thanks for coming, tell everyone at home I hope to see them all soon. Can you give this to Robert for me please"  
"Course I will, I'll take it over now"  
"Thanks"  
Aaron had given Cain a sketch of himself with Robert on their wedding day, underneath he had written 'second best day of my life, the first was meeting you xx'

Cain made his way over to Robert in A&E.  
"Sugden, special delivery from your husband"  
"Thanks Cain"  
Robert unrolled the paper.  
"Oh Aaron" he says to himself with tears in his eyes.  
Cain and Chas both watch Robert, tears roll dowb his cheeks, but he gas the worlds biggest smile on his face

Cain goes back to the car, while Chas says goodbye to Aaron.  
"Robert loves his picture"  
"Good, did he seem ok?" Asks Aaron  
"He's fine, he can't wait.to see you tomorrow"  
"Me to" replies Aaton  
"Cains waiting for me, if you need me, just call ok?"  
"Love you Mum"  
"Love you to son"


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nightmares are mentioned.  
> Slight mention of Roberts accident.  
> Confusion of fact and fiction.

CHAPTER 33

Aaron carried on sketching after Chas left, he knew he wasn't going to sleep tonight, so he decided to sketch Robert, the first time they met.

Robert was in his hospital bed thinking of Aaron. Everytime he thought of him, he can't help but smile, but also feel sad.  
Robert knew how much Aaron had been through in his life, and still continues to go through, and wishes he could make it better for him.

It was 2am, and Aaron had fallen asleep, only it wasn't a restful sleep, Aaron was in the throws of a nightmare, only this time it was Robwrts accident, and Robert was dying.  
Robert was asking for Aaron's help, but Aaron can't reach him.  
NIGHTMARE  
"Robert" screams Aaron  
"Help me Aaron" begs Robert  
"I'm trying Robert, please stay awake for me"  
"Aar..... Aaron, I feel w....."  
"Robert! Please dont leave me" begs Aaron  
Aaron could see Roberts face, covered in blood, but he couldn't reach him, mangled metal bent out of shape got in the way, he tried to get to Robert, not caring as metal shards Pierce into the skin of his hands, Aaron so nearly could reach Robert, he could touch his hand.

"Robert, I got you, please come back to me, I love you.... Robert?..... Robert NO!!!"  
Aaron couldn't find Roberts pulse...

REALTIME  
"No please wake up Robert, you promised me forever, please wake up , I love you" sobs Aaron

Aaron was still screaming Roberts name, and thrashing around in his bed, suddenly he woke up, his chest heaving trying to breath air into his lungs, sweat glisening on his face as the moonlight shines.

"Robert?" Aaron whispers

Robert was startled awake, he knew Aaron needed him.  
Robert asked to use the phone, he called Dr Edwards and was passed through the switchboard to his mobile, Dr Edwards wasn't in the hospital, so he called Joe, who was in the hospital.

"Hi Robert, came as soon as I could"  
"Thanks Joe, I need to get to Aaron, he's in trouble"  
"Right, in the chair, lets go!"

Aaron was sat up in bed, tears streaming down his face, he knew Robert was OK, he'd seen him, but it didnt stop him being scared, he'd seen Robert die in his nightmare, seen the colour drain from his face, he couldn't find his pulse.  
Robert was dead!

"I want Robert, I want Robert"  
Aaron keeps repeating over and over again..  
He sat up on his bed, his knees tucked under his chin, hugging himself, he wanted Robert, just to reassure him he was still OK after his accident.

Joe and Robert made it to Aarons room, his siloette visable with the moonlight.  
"Aaron, I'm here, what happened?"asks Robert  
"You died Robert, I couldn't find your pulse, your face,.bl..... blood, you left me!"  
"Hey, I'm here, you had a nightmare"

Robert takes Aaron in his arms, as Aaron sobs.  
"I know it was a nightmare Robert, but I felt you leave me in here (pointing to his heart) and then I woke up and you were back in my heart, it felt so real, I'm sorry" cries Aaron  
"Its ok, I'm ok, even better now I'm here with you"  
"How did you know to.come here Robert?" Asks Aaron  
"I woke up, and something didnt feel right, my heart hurt, and now it doesn't because I have you in my arms"  
"Im safe with you, Thank you"  
"Always Aaron, I love you"  
"I love you more Robert"

Joe and Robert have a quick chat, Robert asks Joe if he can discharge himself, Joe agrees to get the paperwork sorted and to pop over in 20 minutes to sign them.

Robert leaves Aaron sleeping, heading back to A+E to discharge himself, while he's gone Aaron wakes up, and his mind starts to play tricks on him.  
Visions of Robert begin to unleash themselves in Aarons mind, each one depicting Robert as dead, each one more horrific than the last, Aaron is sure Robwrt is alive, he was just wirh him, wasn't he??  
"Was that a dream?" Aaron asks himself  
Aaron is scared, he doesn't understand what is happening.  
"Why is my brain doing this to me? My Robert is alive, I was in his arms, he told me he loved me, he wouldn't leave me, but hes not here, where is he?"  
"Robert!!" Screams Aaron

Robert knew that voice, he knew that scream, he ran to Aaron.

"Aaron its ok, I'm here"  
"Robert, I dont know what happened, I'm sorry" cries Aaron  
"Its OK, what do you remember?" Asks Robert  
"I woke up, and you where gone, then it was like visions floating around my head, all of you, you were de.... dead in all of them Robert, I though I'd dreamt being in your arms and talking on facetime, I really thought you died" Sobs Aaron  
"I'm here Aaron, your mind is just a bit jumbled up, everything is fine now, I'm staying here with you, I promise"  
"Robert, I want to go home" cries Aaron  
"I know you do"

Robert and Aaron both fall into each others arms, both silently letting tears cascade down their cheeks.


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter. This is as far as I have got, I've started Chapter 35, but I have a bad case of writers block 😔☹ I will update with a new chapter as soon as my brain wakes up 😃

CHAPTER 34

The following morning Aaron was awake early, not that he'd got alot of sleep after his nightmare.  
He started sketching a sleeping Robert, until Robert stired and woke up.  
"Aaron?" Robert called hald asleep  
"I'm here" replied Aaron from the window  
"You OK?" Asks Robert  
"Couldn't sleep"  
"You know I would stay up with you, if you wanted me to"  
"I know Robert, but you need to sleep,you have to work" replies Aaron  
"I'd rather stay with you Aaron"  
"You have to work though, and its not like I'm going anywhere is it" replies Aaron sadly  
"Its not forever Aaron"  
"Its my fault I cant go home, if I didn't hurt myself I woukd be home now, I told you I'm weak Robert"  
"Aaron, your ill, none if this is your fault, and you are not weak OK?, your a survivor, your stronger than you think you are, your brave and your my husband, my amazing, brave and strong husband, so dont you ever think your weak, because your not OK?"  
"I just want to go home, and I know I cant because I keep messing up, im sorry" cries Aaron  
"We need to find something for you to do, when you feel like hurting yourself, you have your sketching, scream,shout, cry, maybe a stress ball"  
"I'll try anything Robert, I just want to go home with you.... please" sobs Aaron  
I'll get you one of those stressballs"  
"Thankyou, love you" whispers Aaron  
"I love you to Aaron"

Aaron was now into his first week of his second months on the pysch ward.  
Hes doing everything in his power to get released so he can go home, but there are days, like today that make it seem impossible.  
"Robert, please help me" cries Aaron  
"I'm here Aaron"  
"Its not working Robert, I want to hurt myself, why is it not working Robert? Please help me" pleads Aaron.  
"Its ok Aaron, I'm here, we'll get through this together"  
"I want to go home Robert" cries Aaron  
"I know you do, and you will"  
"Hold me Robert, please don't let me go... please" begs Aaron  
"I'll never let you go, I promise" replies Robert, pulling Aaron into his arms, as Aaron sobs.


	35. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mentions of self harm  
> Mentions of wanting to harm  
> Scared Robert  
> Robert has his say

CHAPTER 35

Joe was making his rounds, Aaron was his last appointment of the morning.  
As he got to Aarons room, he could hear his crys.  
He knew today was another bad day for Aaron.  
"Hi Aaron"  
Aaron didn't reply,(Joe didn't think he would) he just held on to Robert tighter.  
"Bad day?" Asks Joe  
"Yes, he wants to hurt himself, and his alternatives aren't working, he's scared, he just wants to go home, and I really want to just walk out of here with him and take him home, he's trying so hard Joe, I just want him home with me" replies Robert with tears rolling down his cheeks.  
"Aaron? Are you ok?" Asks Joe  
Aaron still didnt answer , he just kept holding on to Robert and cried.  
"I'll come back later Aaron, if you need me before call me ok?"  
"Thanks Joe" replies Robert.

"Aaron?, Joe will be back later ok?"  
Aaron nods, but he doesn't speak.  
"Please talk to me Aaron" asks Aaron  
"I just want to stay like this, with you" replies Aaron  
"Its ok Aaron, I'm not letting go, I promise" replied Robert.

 

"Aaron? Are you awake?" Asks Robert  
"Yes" whispers Aaron  
"Do you want to talk"  
"I just want to go home Robert, please can I go home?" Begs Aaron.  
"I know you do, I'm sorry I cant take you home".  
"I need to get out of here Robert, I want to go home, sleep in my bed, I dont want to be here, I hate it here Robert" sobs Aaron

Joe was making his way back to Aaron's room, he didn't like leaving him earlier, but he knew not to push Aaron.  
Joe knocked on Aaron's door before he entered.  
"Hi Aaron"  
Joe wasn't expecting a reply.  
"Hi Joe" replied Robert  
"Hi Robert, how is he doing?"  
"He wants to go home, he hates it here Joe, and as much as I want to say being here is helping, I honestly don't think it is, he needs to feel safe, and here he doesn't, he thinks I don't see it, but I can see it in his eyes, everytime his door opens, I see that look of fear on his face, I'm loosing him Joe" cries Robert.

Aaron had moved from Roberts arms and was now on his bed, wrapped in his blanket, fresh tears roll down his cheeks, but he doesn't speak.  
"Joe?, is there anyway I can get Aaron home? I dont know how much longer he can carry in like this here" says Robert  
"Hes not going to be here forever Robert" replues Joe.  
"I know, but look at him, he's so sad, at home he feels safe, he's being forced to stay here, he's had enough of being forced to do thinks he doesn't want to do, I just hate that once again he's being forced against his will"  
"I know your concerned Robert, but Aaron is where he needs to be, he's ill, and he needs help to get better" replies Joe.  
"Hes not getting better though, if anything he's got worse, everytime he talks to you Joe, after you leave he's a mess, and when he sleeps, his nightmares are 10 times worse, how is that better Joe?" Cries Robert  
"Robert, I understand, but this is whats best for Aaron, he's whats important" replies Joe  
"I just want my husband back, and home with me where he belongs"  
"I know, and you will" replies Joe.

Joe left, and told Aaron he'd be back in the morning, Joe was hoping Aaron would be more talkative by then.


	36. Chapter 36

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter, started chapter 37 hope to have it finished and updated by the end of tuesday, work permitting of course 😀

CHAPTER 36

"I'm never getting out of here am I"? Whispers Aaron  
"Yes you are Aaron, I promise you, I'm going to take you home really soon"  
"I can't stay here, all my life people have taken whatever they wanted from me, nobody asks me what I want Robert, nobody bothers to ask how I feel, they just expect me to do what they want, this place is like prison, I can't leave, I'm not here because I choose to be, I'm here because I don't have a choice, that was taken away feom me, why does everyone just use me?, am I that weak, that I just let people take advantage, Why can't I be strong?" Cries Aaron  
"Listen to me Aaron, you are strong, you are the strongest person I know, you are not weak, you hear me?"  
"I don't fell strong Robert, I'm so tired, I just want to go home with you, please can you take me home?" Begs Aaron  
"I'd take you home in a heartbeat Aaron, but if I did they would send people to come and take you back again"  
"So I'm not allowed to live in my own house?, with my husband?, How is that fair?" Sobs Aaron  
"It's not fair Aaron"


	37. Chapter 37

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Scared Aaron  
> Withdrawn Aaron

CHAPTER 37

Aaron had become distant in the last few days, when he cries, je doesn't seek Roberts comfort, when he has nightmares, he still doesn't seek Roberts comfort, he'd stopped drawing, it was like Aaron was retreating into himself.  
Joe was concerned, Aaron had stopped talking to him, he said few words to Robert, Ot was as if he was protecting himself, Aaron was in control of what he wanted, not what everyone else expects him to do or say.

"Aaron please talk to me" begs Robert.  
"You should leave now Robert, I dont want you here anymore, please go home"  
"I'm not leaving you Aaron, your my husband, I want to look after you"  
"I'm giving you a way out Robert, take it please" begs Aaron  
"I don't want a way out Aaron, why can't you understand that?"  
"People don't stay with me Robert"  
"Well I do Aaron, always and forever"  
"Promise" cries Aaron  
"I promise you Aaron, I'm staying with you, always" replies Robert  
"I do love you Robert, I'm sorry I've been distant, I thought if you went home, you could have your life back, you could then move on and find someone better than me, you deserve someone who can give you what I can't, you deserve a proper husband, and I'm not him" sobs Aaron  
"I only want you Aaron, no one else, and you are a proper husband and I love you so much"  
"I don't deserve you Robert, I never have" cries Aaron  
"Aaron you deserve to be really happy, Are you happy with me?" Asks Robert.  
"Robert you are the best thing thats ever happened to me, even when we went through that bad patch, I still loved you, you do make me happy and I'm sorry if I ever made you feel like you didn't, I'm so sorry Robert" cries Aaron.  
"Hey its ok, your the best thing thats happened to me to and I love you so much to" smiles Robert  
"You should smile more Robert, you look beautiful to me when you do"  
"Aaron did you just say something soppy?"  
"Yeah I did, and I mean it" replies Aaron  
"Really?"  
"Yeah I think your amazing Robert, and I'm so lucky to have you as my husband, I don't know why you would choose me though, but I'm glad you did"  
"No one has ever said that to me Aaron, but your amazing to, I'm so proud of you"  
"I dont feel it, and I'm not amazing"  
"You are to me Aaron, and you always will be to me" replies Robert

In the early hours of the morning Aaron is wide awake, he knows Joe will be around at 10am for their appointment, he really doesn't want to talk, he's had enough.

Robert stirs from his sleep and notices Aaron isn't beside him, Robert finds him in the corner of his room wrapped in his blanket hugging his knees.  
"Hey, whats wrong?" Asks Robert softly  
"I couldn't sleep, I didn't mean to wake you, sorry" replies Aaron  
"Why are you sat on the floor?, you didnt wake me, I missed you next to me" replies Robert  
"I'm scared Robert, I don't want to talk to Joe, I dont want to talk about it anymore, I want to go home" sobs Aaron.  
"I wish I could make it all better for you Aaron, I really do"  
"I know, just hold me Robert please"  
"I've got you Aaron, always.


End file.
